It's a starting point, nonetheless. Even if the vision ends up being less than accurate, it must have stemmed from somewhere.
Often our own cognitions hold memories we can't access. That succubi may have shown you such.
There is also the possibility it was a delusion meant to trick you. Your skepticism is wise and a valuable tool that will help you find the truth among whatever lies exist.
[It's fascinating - when he thinks of monsters, Izutsumi's face never appears among them. Akechi sees a mirror image more often than not. Conjures up politicians whispering secrets in pristine offices coated in smoke. Envisions others placed on a pedestal by the media as the best among them, knows full well their hearts are rotten behind the scenes.]
I won't deny you should prepare yourself for some degree of shock. It's only natural when someone doesn't look as you remember them.
But the same goes for you - whether illusion or reality, your mother may be different. Act different. Look different. Nothing is certain until you two meet.
[She won't- Akechi knows that. He also knows there's little that can prepare a person to acknowledge a parent's misery.]
No, of course you wouldn't.
However, seeing it - perhaps it's somewhat comparable to relate it to grief. It's something you may have to contend with before you ever open your mouth to ask a question. Prepare yourself for it.
Though my hope is the same as yours - that she has lived a content and worthwhile life.
[He does. There is a chance she's happy. Will be happy. There's a chance she's miserable. There's a chance she's been struck down by the world around and a chance Izutsumi will find her place among that woman's life. There's a chance she's dead, lost, too depressed from the loss of a daughter to move on. A chance Izutsumi was unwanted to begin with and her arrival will be a detriment.
It all exists. She's strong enough to handle any outcome.]
You'll know when you appear before her - whether you're an unwanted child or wanted one. Whether she's happy or discontent. Whether you can help or if her world is already broken beyond repair.
[The next message takes a minute. Two. Three and-]
When I was young, I lived with my own mother.
There are few things I recall from that age overall, but one detail I remember is this - she wasn't happy. I was too young to understand why.
She killed herself because of it.
It was more difficult to reconcile than I expected in moment, though in time all my feelings subsided and I managed to get over it. It was a long time ago, after all, and time heals many things.
My point is this - no matter the outcome, you will be fine.
Akechi knows he could do the same - wouldn't hesitate to destroy the false vision of a woman he reveres. He can close his heart long enough to do it and make whatever caused it suffer for such a shitty trick.
It's a difficult thought to contend with. He thinks he might hesitate. Knows he can't. Knows he won't, if the time ever comes to act because he's cruel and callous at his core. The illusion of a memory before him won't matter.]
If I may -
The fact you killed it proves your heart exists.
To ensure someone you care for doesn't live as a puppet. To destroy a false image in honor of the real one. That shows more heart than giving in to a delusion.
Often love and bonds require the greatest sacrifice. Especially because you didn't know her, to react in such a way - that proves the existence of a heart inside of you.
and he's right. the fact that it affected her at all means she had a heart. but maybe the inverse was true as well. no one else saw people they knew, only distortions. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Why wouldn't she be?
While you may have been harmed, and your body distorted, you were born. She likely exists.
Do you remember anything about her?
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i dont know if that was real.
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Often our own cognitions hold memories we can't access. That succubi may have shown you such.
There is also the possibility it was a delusion meant to trick you. Your skepticism is wise and a valuable tool that will help you find the truth among whatever lies exist.
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but she wouldnt.
even if i see her she wont know who i am. ill just be a monster.
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I won't deny you should prepare yourself for some degree of shock. It's only natural when someone doesn't look as you remember them.
But the same goes for you - whether illusion or reality, your mother may be different. Act different. Look different. Nothing is certain until you two meet.
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i just want to know shes real. that i had one.
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Though in my own opinion, the odds are likely that you had one. There are very few beings born from nothing.
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itd be nice if she was happy.
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Though please be prepared for the possibility she isn't. You know as well as anyone life can be cruel.
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No, of course you wouldn't.
However, seeing it - perhaps it's somewhat comparable to relate it to grief. It's something you may have to contend with before you ever open your mouth to ask a question. Prepare yourself for it.
Though my hope is the same as yours - that she has lived a content and worthwhile life.
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what did she know about grief? nothing really.
only recent events brought her close to it. brushstrokes across the soul. ]
do you think theres a chance shell be happy?
or is it stupid?
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[He does. There is a chance she's happy. Will be happy. There's a chance she's miserable. There's a chance she's been struck down by the world around and a chance Izutsumi will find her place among that woman's life. There's a chance she's dead, lost, too depressed from the loss of a daughter to move on. A chance Izutsumi was unwanted to begin with and her arrival will be a detriment.
It all exists. She's strong enough to handle any outcome.]
You'll know when you appear before her - whether you're an unwanted child or wanted one. Whether she's happy or discontent. Whether you can help or if her world is already broken beyond repair.
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ill handle whatever it is.
as long as its true.
cw: suicide
When I was young, I lived with my own mother.
There are few things I recall from that age overall, but one detail I remember is this - she wasn't happy. I was too young to understand why.
She killed herself because of it.
It was more difficult to reconcile than I expected in moment, though in time all my feelings subsided and I managed to get over it. It was a long time ago, after all, and time heals many things.
My point is this - no matter the outcome, you will be fine.
You're Izutsumi, after all.
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[ she will be. no matter what the truth is. ]
i killed the succubus that pretended to be my mom. and i wasnt sure if i had a heart. because if i did i wouldnt be able to do it.
but i do. i have one.
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Akechi knows he could do the same - wouldn't hesitate to destroy the false vision of a woman he reveres. He can close his heart long enough to do it and make whatever caused it suffer for such a shitty trick.
It's a difficult thought to contend with. He thinks he might hesitate. Knows he can't. Knows he won't, if the time ever comes to act because he's cruel and callous at his core. The illusion of a memory before him won't matter.]
If I may -
The fact you killed it proves your heart exists.
To ensure someone you care for doesn't live as a puppet. To destroy a false image in honor of the real one. That shows more heart than giving in to a delusion.
Often love and bonds require the greatest sacrifice. Especially because you didn't know her, to react in such a way - that proves the existence of a heart inside of you.
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and he's right. the fact that it affected her at all means she had a heart. but maybe the inverse was true as well. no one else saw people they knew, only distortions. ]
it shows a lot of heart?
how much?
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One that's impossible to quantify. A heart is a heart, in my experience.
[They're rotten. They're all rotten. It doesn't matter the size. Humanity is prone to it - maybe Izutsumi has lucked out being more monster than man.]
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do you know a lot of hearts?
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wanna wrap <3 then i come for ur other inbox
yeAHHHH