[ no. she's tired. she's still a little angry at laios. she's upset. she hates having feelings. she wants to be fixed already. she wants to cut herself off at the ears and tail so she never has to be this way.
instead she just buries her face with a low rumble in her chest. ]
[Akechi never hesitates. Never. Not when signing up to kill, not from giving up his soul. None of it.
He does now. Settles one hand against the top of her head, the overt affection so foreign and weird that it's only pressure against her skull as he tries to figure out WHAT TO DO.
But they're 'friends' - she's requesting this. Stormed into his room for this. She doesn't do this.]
You'll have to forgive me. I'm not used to touching others in this manner.
[But he does AS REQUESTED - scratches her little cat ears with a light touch. Is it??? okay???? HELP.]
He continues to pet the top of her head, scratches behind her ears. A motion soothing.
Done to him, as a child, in this very castle after stumbling through-
Nothing. A memory ignored, as he complies with a simple request. Being gentle isn't in his nature, being comforting beyond it further. It seems to be working through, so he doesn't deviate.]
I'm making an assumption that you don't want to talk about what happened. However, if you wish, I'm currently a captive audience.
[ izutsumi grumbles from her spot, her words incoherent. she just wants to sit here and not think. it's very rare for her to even extend herself to someone else's touch.
[Gone is all he needs to hear. The name itself unfamiliar, even in the half stated word.
Someone's gone. Izutsumi misses them. That's the problem with getting close to others and the heartache that exists with a bond. Akechi has none, so he never hurts.]
I see.
[The pats continue - slow, and gentle. A mimicry of what he's experienced in recent weeks. Be nice. Be kind. Act princely, because it's expected.]
You're welcome to stay for as long as you wish today.
It's difficult to control how you feel. Whether you were meant to be separated or not, unexpected loss is just that - unexpected. It shocks your mind no matter how prepared you are.
[ but she doesn't know what else to say or do. it happened so quickly. marcille was here and now she's gone. izutsumi can't wrap her head around such a sudden and brutal loss. she's never had anything to lose until now.
she tilts her head to get more scratches for her ears thanks. ]
The person who left was a part of that group, then?
[The Phantom Thieves in a palace - a degree of comradery that comes with false bonds. It can almost feel real. He can see why it may bother someone unaccustomed.]
I can see why the person's loss would shock you as much. It feels like grieving, I imagine, despite knowing they're only a single reality away.
[ grieving, she means. is that what the hollowness in her chest feels like? like her insides have contracted tight. like she wants to shrink down for a while. untether herself. she knew marcille would always leave. she knew marcille's greatest fear was to leave, a fear izutsumi never understood.
grieving. missing. yearning. they're all foreign concepts to izutsumi. ]
[Never by virtue of having nothing to grieve or never by not having the time, capacity or energy to do so - Akechi can't be certain.
Grief is pointless, but impossible to escape. It consumes and constricts until nothing's left.]
If you have the capacity to care, you have the ability to grieve. They go hand in hand. Monster or not, human or not - even animals and insects has been shown to feel distress at the loss of one of their own.
Distorted desires are still such - it still exists. They can still grieve that loss, even if you can't comprehend the reaction or it's 'messed up.'
[Not that Akechi would know a thing about that. Anyway.]
As for your heart, of course I do. You think, you feel, you have goals and desires, wishes and memories. A heart that can grieve, and heal. You fight to survive and maintain your freedom. You value your autonomy. Someone without one would never do such things.
[A little ear scritch - good cat??? This is weird. HELP.]
However, on the opposite end of that - you can be distorted, corrupted and lose sight of the truth. That's something only you will ever be able to control.
[ and laios' remarks made her unsure once more. izutsumi in the boundary of natural and unnatural. she leans into his touch with a purr in her chest. ]
[He could, if she were in his reality. A simple phone app would show a corrupted heart in an instant. Here, he can't fathom one way or the other.]
Even though I could provide my own opinion based on knowing you, a person's true feelings and their cultivated image can be entirely different. I will never know because I'm not you. Only you can come to terms with such things, if that's occurring.
[ no one has answers. izutsumi must dig for her own. always, always on her own. it's lonely, living like this. being like this. and she knew that. she always knew. even her wish . . . would never be granted. because she also knows the danger of wishes.
she's just not sure how to go forward. what forward is. and marcille's gone.
izutsumi just makes a plaintive sound, burying her face against akechi's thigh. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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instead she just buries her face with a low rumble in her chest. ]
Scratch my ears.
1/3
???
What.]
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She's in his lap - he can't. Not???
Izutsumi is more human than monster to him, despite her words to the contrary. He doesn't pet people.
Maybe if he thinks of it like a head pat???
...
He wants to go back to Tokyo.]
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He does now. Settles one hand against the top of her head, the overt affection so foreign and weird that it's only pressure against her skull as he tries to figure out WHAT TO DO.
But they're 'friends' - she's requesting this. Stormed into his room for this. She doesn't do this.]
You'll have to forgive me. I'm not used to touching others in this manner.
[But he does AS REQUESTED - scratches her little cat ears with a light touch. Is it??? okay???? HELP.]
Maruki-san may be better suited for this task.
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[ she just closes her eyes, leaning into the touch. the purr builds in her chest as she relaxes, inch by inch. ]
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What is happening????
He continues to pet the top of her head, scratches behind her ears. A motion soothing.
Done to him, as a child, in this very castle after stumbling through-
Nothing. A memory ignored, as he complies with a simple request. Being gentle isn't in his nature, being comforting beyond it further. It seems to be working through, so he doesn't deviate.]
I'm making an assumption that you don't want to talk about what happened. However, if you wish, I'm currently a captive audience.
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but she's heartsore with it all. ]
—cille's gone.
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Someone's gone. Izutsumi misses them. That's the problem with getting close to others and the heartache that exists with a bond. Akechi has none, so he never hurts.]
I see.
[The pats continue - slow, and gentle. A mimicry of what he's experienced in recent weeks. Be nice. Be kind. Act princely, because it's expected.]
You're welcome to stay for as long as you wish today.
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It's stupid.
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So it's stupid.
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[It's not. It is.]
It's difficult to control how you feel. Whether you were meant to be separated or not, unexpected loss is just that - unexpected. It shocks your mind no matter how prepared you are.
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I just thought I'd have more time.
cw: murder, suicide
[A mother's life stolen by an unjust world. A boy dead in an cold, blood stained cellar. There's never enough time. Never more once they're gone.]
You have to persevere regardless.
[More pats!! This is ridiculous!!!]
It's impossible to control. Life tends to be unpredictable and merciless. You know that well enough.
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[ but she doesn't know what else to say or do. it happened so quickly. marcille was here and now she's gone. izutsumi can't wrap her head around such a sudden and brutal loss. she's never had anything to lose until now.
she tilts her head to get more scratches for her ears thanks. ]
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[And this is about as fond as Izutsumi gets.]
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[ the spell and words have faded from her neck, but the magic lingers sometimes. ]
It was the longest I've been with anyone. When it's been my choice.
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[The Phantom Thieves in a palace - a degree of comradery that comes with false bonds. It can almost feel real. He can see why it may bother someone unaccustomed.]
I can see why the person's loss would shock you as much. It feels like grieving, I imagine, despite knowing they're only a single reality away.
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[ grieving, she means. is that what the hollowness in her chest feels like? like her insides have contracted tight. like she wants to shrink down for a while. untether herself. she knew marcille would always leave. she knew marcille's greatest fear was to leave, a fear izutsumi never understood.
grieving. missing. yearning. they're all foreign concepts to izutsumi. ]
I wasn't even sure monsters could feel this way.
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Grief is pointless, but impossible to escape. It consumes and constricts until nothing's left.]
If you have the capacity to care, you have the ability to grieve. They go hand in hand. Monster or not, human or not - even animals and insects has been shown to feel distress at the loss of one of their own.
dunmeshi spoilers
I don't know about demons. The one we met was weird that way. He . . . cared but his caring was all messed up.
You think I have a heart?
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[Not that Akechi would know a thing about that. Anyway.]
As for your heart, of course I do. You think, you feel, you have goals and desires, wishes and memories. A heart that can grieve, and heal. You fight to survive and maintain your freedom. You value your autonomy. Someone without one would never do such things.
[A little ear scritch - good cat??? This is weird. HELP.]
However, on the opposite end of that - you can be distorted, corrupted and lose sight of the truth. That's something only you will ever be able to control.
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[ and laios' remarks made her unsure once more. izutsumi in the boundary of natural and unnatural. she leans into his touch with a purr in her chest. ]
Am I distorted?
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[He could, if she were in his reality. A simple phone app would show a corrupted heart in an instant. Here, he can't fathom one way or the other.]
Even though I could provide my own opinion based on knowing you, a person's true feelings and their cultivated image can be entirely different. I will never know because I'm not you. Only you can come to terms with such things, if that's occurring.
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she's just not sure how to go forward. what forward is. and marcille's gone.
izutsumi just makes a plaintive sound, burying her face against akechi's thigh. ]
Scratch my ears some more.
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we can call this wrapped unless u wanna do more <33
sounds good <3