If I decided to return to school, money wouldn't be an object. There are ways around such things. That shouldn't be a limiting factor when it comes to the future.
I attended University of Tokyo for my undergraduate and masters before going elsewhere for my doctorate, and I can only recommend it. It's the top school for a reason. I'm sure the philosophy department is just as robust as psychology.
But maybe it's worth picking out a few choices and going on a deeper dive into exactly what they offer, who the professors are, etc.
That's not necessarily the case, actually. People who study philosophy have an endless amount of fields they can go into. It provides a solid foundation for further study in law, informational security, policy work, economics, communications... Anything you could put your mind to, honestly.
There's also the simple possibility of sticking with philosophy as a writer or teacher.
And I think you already know this is all true. You wouldn't want to pursue something if it was truly useless. You don't waste your time like that.
Edited (SPOTTING TYPOS AND REDUNDANCY HOURS LATER DONT MIND ME) 2024-08-14 00:53 (UTC)
Maruki knows him. Philosophy a key point to all modern fields - the basis behind moral judgements in legal systems, the ability to create and form arguments, explain complex thoughts and reasoning, debate and listen.
It's never been a waste. They both know it. Both have interests in fields that have little surface level value and hide immense wealth underneath.
Maruki knows him and it's an uncomfortable sensation to click through a link of colleges of he never considered, to pursue degrees that would be impossible, living with a man who doesn't defy his expectations - he crushes them. Presses them under his heel until only ashes of Akechi Goro remain. Reforms them into wisps, streams of smoke, small flashes of life.
He can't stand Maruki Takuto.
Turns on the couch, lets the sofa's back and arm drag a shadow over the illuminated screen. Looks again. Application dates. Practice tests. Scores are meaningless because he's at the top of the nation - his foot can step through any front door.
It's money. It's the struggle they're already in. It's sitting in a shitty apartment with his mom, surrounded by peeling wallpaper, specks of mildew she persistently cleaned to no avail, broken appliances that forced them to rely on a microwave more than stove.
Akechi will have to work, and that's fine. He isn't ignorant to the fact he's done nothing in months. The relief of being unneeded a blessing and a curse in its own right, after years of being needed in all the worst ways. A job. School.
He isn't ready, and he is. A future he never wanted, needed or saw in the palm of his hand, handed like a gift from someone who-
Might be a friend.
The University of Tokyo isn't far. Akechi doesn't need to look at other recommendations.]
If I wanted to finally take you up on your offer, are you going to make me come all the way to that shitty office, or can we do it over sushi?
[ At first, all that comes through is a photo of an array of coffee selections at the grocery store, because he knows if he comes home with one, it will be the wrong one no matter what. So pick one, stupid. ]
No, money is the first matter to go over. It's not a problem that can be ignored. If you're not willing to do that, then we'll simply enjoy a nice meal with minimal discussion.
Fine, sure. We'll discuss it first and get it over with. I've already got contingencies in place for any concerns you have, though. You'll be surprised by how thoroughly I've thought about this, and for how long.
[That gives him pause - makes him push himself up from the blanket nest he's created. One that doesn't exist when Maruki brings it up.
He's thought about it-
For a long time. The future of Akechi Goro - a parasite in his apartment that's tried to kill him more times than they've had conveyor belt sushi together. A bizarre ratio. An equally inane statement. His only concern should be getting Akechi out of the apartment at this point - no thought beyond that.]
Why?
My future isn't yours - you have little to think about when it comes to it.
Well... I don't know that you actually want to hear my reasoning. You have a tendency to ask questions that have answers that are more than you want to hear.
I'll tell you if you're really curious, of course. I'm just warning you, you'll probably feel sick and wish you could still try to kill me.
I resigned myself to my death fairly quickly, all things considered, but I never resigned myself to yours. Something told me there was a way out for you. Maybe you can chalk it up to wishful thinking, but one way or another, it ended up being true.
So, you lived. I did too, which wasn't what I expected. It's still difficult to not feel like I'm on borrowed time, but I digress... Two clean slates. That's my point. My own was already overwhelming enough to contend with, and I'm an adult with decades of work and education behind me. I figured that once you returned, you'd have difficulty figuring out what to do next - more than understandable after everything.
To be clear, Akechi, you could wait to return to school or work for another six months. Another year or two or more. I wouldn't care. However long it takes is however long it takes.
It's why I haven't pushed or rushed you. You deserve time to sort yourself out and decide what you want out of life.
[ Something he was never once afforded before. It's making up for lost time, but that's sentiment, so Maruki doesn't include it. Akechi can probably guess, anyway. ]
While you were gone, I knew you'd come back here to recuperate and eventually take the next step. With that end goal in mind, why wouldn't I think about your future? I always intended to help get you there, so of course I wanted to consider it.
I guess, in the end, it all circles back to what I said in the beginning. I wasn't resigned to your life ending as early as you were. I was always picturing a future for you. I just didn't expect to get the opportunity to put any of that into action. Now that I have it, I'm going to take it.
We both got second chances, whether we deserve them or not, and neither of us are the type to waste them. It's as simple as that.
Also... Not for nothing, but you repeatedly have done the same for me, even if you don't want to remember or admit it. An eye for an eye - don't take that literally, please!
"I thought it was funny." "It's stupid shit. Are you a psychiatrist or a child?"
"You know a lot about cognition. Are you trying to counsel me?" "No, I was taught by someone. The last thing I want to do is pick your mind." "Who was it?" "Does it matter?"
"You mentioned you like sushi once." "That's not uncommon." "No, but it's convenient. I started learning for my wife - want to try some?" "I wouldn't say no."
"You've mentioned Maruki-san a couple times now. Who is that?" "My emergency contact. Shouldn't you know?" "Ah, it slipped my mind."
"Really? Tell me more about it." "He sleeps on the couch instead of using the bed. It's baffling. I didn't need a room - I don't need to be coddled like a child. It's infuriating." "You can tell him when you're discharged - that's a lot of effort for 'only an emergency contact' to go through. Ah, I don't envy the earful he's going to get." "He deserves it. I don't need to be pitied." "No, you don't."
"And then he did - what?" "Wrote a note. It was sappy and sentimental, but I didn't mind the meal that came with it."
"My wife didn't like the fatty tuna roll. Any tips?" "None of my own. Maruki-san, however, used to roll along the palm of his hand and keep it pressed for five seconds or so." "Did he cook for you a lot?" "On occasion." "What else did he make for you? Oh, I just need ideas. The kids are getting tired of the same old thing."
"I'll admit I'm not great with crosswords" "You're horrible. Can you even read? You're supposed to be educated." "I take it Maruki-san was better at this?" "Much better. You operate at the same level as a toddler." "Always harsh, Akechi-kun. Let's see - a four letter word for a place to dispose trash, starts with 'S'?"
Under a shimmering sky in a well maintained garden coated in brilliant shades of color. No longer confined to a room coated in fading, flecked paint. Nighttime, instead of early morning hours. A routine shift with this new caretaker.
Against the kitchen bar's frame, his fingers pressing whitish indents into the silver coating. Five dots marring the clean surface.
Pacing along small paths full of saplings and dying plants - signs of fall.
A rare trip to a nearby bathhouse, only if good behavior was achieved. It was. Forever a performer, always an actor - kept together by threads of steam tying him up.
Lash outs lessoning. Tempered. Discussion about homes, families, and mothers. Father pushed aside - not forced. A rival that still lives. A friend mentioned in between, more than anyone. Foster and group homes - not remembered in full. More connections. More things he's supposed to consider - he doesn't care, but some things help. Removed from a group, one on one, more links - don't lash, just talk. Akechi never settles into that habit - always giving the last word or last action. Walks away instead, sleeps instead, sits on vile words instead, even if they meld to his heart.
Relief in the gentle vibrations of a worn taxi coated in a plush cushion. Maruki spoke for himself for the first time in many months of Akechi speaking for him, about him. A voice so familiar to his psyche that it almost didn't register as real until he met his eyes in rearview mirror.
A joke about a gun. A sigh. More familiar. Comfortable. Jazz playing and warping to the vibration, the bumpy road - Akechi fell asleep, probably, with a single duffel bag held in his lap.
A different feeling than the first time his small hands wrapped around the handles of the only bag his mom ever bought for him, stuffed with a single toy and outfit that didn't match. He was leaving home then and-
Please forgive me for the message out of the blue. I found your staff email online and wanted to reach out to express my gratitude for the care that you showed to one of your former patients, Akechi Goro. He probably didn't mention me, and to be honest with you, I'm not sure how to explain our connection. I consider myself something like his guardian, although not in any official capacity - regardless, he's a close friend, and it was on my suggestion that he checked in to the facility you work at.
I spoke with the facility staff many times during his stay and was made aware when you took over his treatment. The first good sign was a sharp and steady decrease in phone calls. Since he's returned home, he's spoken of you occasionally - it sounds like you got to know him well, so you'll probably understand what I mean when I say that it's clear he respects you in spite of the words he uses.
I formerly worked in the same field and know how difficult it is. You have my sincere admiration for the good work that you've done with him, and surely do with your other patients.
He's doing well. From what I've heard, the specialized help you gave him was the only reason he was able to make progress. I can't thank you enough for that.
No need to respond. I hope all is well for you in the future.
Best regards, Maruki Takuto
Sent three weeks ago, the evening after Akechi made an offhand comment about considering coming to work as his receptionist. Kidding, of course.
No response came. That was fine. Maruki's held onto the list of universities ever since, gently feeling out the edges of that joke for signs that he might be ready to step into the future.
As ever, his intuition with Akechi hasn't steered him wrong. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
If I decided to return to school, money wouldn't be an object. There are ways around such things. That shouldn't be a limiting factor when it comes to the future.
1/2
Even if you were able to get a scholarship, a philosophy degree doesn't have feasible career prospects.
Imagine a life lived perpetually on the edge of financial ruin in a one bedroom apartment the size of a shoe box.
no subject
We're running out of coffee.
[Another minute and-]
Which school would you prefer?
no subject
I attended University of Tokyo for my undergraduate and masters before going elsewhere for my doctorate, and I can only recommend it. It's the top school for a reason. I'm sure the philosophy department is just as robust as psychology.
But maybe it's worth picking out a few choices and going on a deeper dive into exactly what they offer, who the professors are, etc.
I mean- that's what I would do.
no subject
[A brief pause in messages. University page tabbed open.]
This isn't the first time I've looked at this page before.
Though to be frank, I only did it to parrot information to journalists and show hosts. I never truly retained anything I read.
There is no future in this major though - less of one than a Detective Prince had. That is an irrevocable truth.
no subject
There's also the simple possibility of sticking with philosophy as a writer or teacher.
And I think you already know this is all true. You wouldn't want to pursue something if it was truly useless. You don't waste your time like that.
no subject
Maruki knows him. Philosophy a key point to all modern fields - the basis behind moral judgements in legal systems, the ability to create and form arguments, explain complex thoughts and reasoning, debate and listen.
It's never been a waste. They both know it. Both have interests in fields that have little surface level value and hide immense wealth underneath.
Maruki knows him and it's an uncomfortable sensation to click through a link of colleges of he never considered, to pursue degrees that would be impossible, living with a man who doesn't defy his expectations - he crushes them. Presses them under his heel until only ashes of Akechi Goro remain. Reforms them into wisps, streams of smoke, small flashes of life.
He can't stand Maruki Takuto.
Turns on the couch, lets the sofa's back and arm drag a shadow over the illuminated screen. Looks again. Application dates. Practice tests. Scores are meaningless because he's at the top of the nation - his foot can step through any front door.
It's money. It's the struggle they're already in. It's sitting in a shitty apartment with his mom, surrounded by peeling wallpaper, specks of mildew she persistently cleaned to no avail, broken appliances that forced them to rely on a microwave more than stove.
Akechi will have to work, and that's fine. He isn't ignorant to the fact he's done nothing in months. The relief of being unneeded a blessing and a curse in its own right, after years of being needed in all the worst ways. A job. School.
He isn't ready, and he is. A future he never wanted, needed or saw in the palm of his hand, handed like a gift from someone who-
Might be a friend.
The University of Tokyo isn't far. Akechi doesn't need to look at other recommendations.]
If I wanted to finally take you up on your offer, are you going to make me come all the way to that shitty office, or can we do it over sushi?
1/2
no subject
We can do it over sushi. You get to decide when.
Let me reiterate - don't worry about the money aspect. Put that out of your head so we can talk about what matters.
1/2
no subject
no subject
no subject
He's thought about it-
For a long time. The future of Akechi Goro - a parasite in his apartment that's tried to kill him more times than they've had conveyor belt sushi together. A bizarre ratio. An equally inane statement. His only concern should be getting Akechi out of the apartment at this point - no thought beyond that.]
Why?
My future isn't yours - you have little to think about when it comes to it.
no subject
no subject
Even for you, that level of thought is excessive though.
no subject
I'll tell you if you're really curious, of course. I'm just warning you, you'll probably feel sick and wish you could still try to kill me.
no subject
Sentimental shit has no place in this discussion - state it, but do so with facts and practical reasoning. Take out the unnecessary nonsense.
1/2
So, you lived. I did too, which wasn't what I expected. It's still difficult to not feel like I'm on borrowed time, but I digress... Two clean slates. That's my point. My own was already overwhelming enough to contend with, and I'm an adult with decades of work and education behind me. I figured that once you returned, you'd have difficulty figuring out what to do next - more than understandable after everything.
To be clear, Akechi, you could wait to return to school or work for another six months. Another year or two or more. I wouldn't care. However long it takes is however long it takes.
It's why I haven't pushed or rushed you. You deserve time to sort yourself out and decide what you want out of life.
[ Something he was never once afforded before. It's making up for lost time, but that's sentiment, so Maruki doesn't include it. Akechi can probably guess, anyway. ]
While you were gone, I knew you'd come back here to recuperate and eventually take the next step. With that end goal in mind, why wouldn't I think about your future? I always intended to help get you there, so of course I wanted to consider it.
I guess, in the end, it all circles back to what I said in the beginning. I wasn't resigned to your life ending as early as you were. I was always picturing a future for you. I just didn't expect to get the opportunity to put any of that into action. Now that I have it, I'm going to take it.
We both got second chances, whether we deserve them or not, and neither of us are the type to waste them. It's as simple as that.
no subject
1/2
"I thought it was funny."
"You know a lot about cognition. Are you trying to counsel me?""It's stupid shit. Are you a psychiatrist or a child?"
"No, I was taught by someone. The last thing I want to do is pick your mind."
"Who was it?"
"Does it matter?"
"You mentioned you like sushi once."
"That's not uncommon."
"No, but it's convenient. I started learning for my wife - want to try some?"
"I wouldn't say no."
"You've mentioned Maruki-san a couple times now. Who is that?"
"My emergency contact. Shouldn't you know?"
"Ah, it slipped my mind."
"Really? Tell me more about it."
"He sleeps on the couch instead of using the bed. It's baffling. I didn't need a room - I don't need to be coddled like a child. It's infuriating."
"You can tell him when you're discharged - that's a lot of effort for 'only an emergency contact' to go through. Ah, I don't envy the earful he's going to get."
"He deserves it. I don't need to be pitied."
"No, you don't."
"And then he did - what?"
"Wrote a note. It was sappy and sentimental, but I didn't mind the meal that came with it."
"My wife didn't like the fatty tuna roll. Any tips?"
"None of my own. Maruki-san, however, used to roll along the palm of his hand and keep it pressed for five seconds or so."
"Did he cook for you a lot?"
"On occasion."
"What else did he make for you? Oh, I just need ideas. The kids are getting tired of the same old thing."
"I'll admit I'm not great with crosswords"
Under a shimmering sky in a well maintained garden coated in brilliant shades of color. No longer confined to a room coated in fading, flecked paint. Nighttime, instead of early morning hours. A routine shift with this new caretaker."You're horrible. Can you even read? You're supposed to be educated."
"I take it Maruki-san was better at this?"
"Much better. You operate at the same level as a toddler."
"Always harsh, Akechi-kun. Let's see - a four letter word for a place to dispose trash, starts with 'S'?"
Against the kitchen bar's frame, his fingers pressing whitish indents into the silver coating. Five dots marring the clean surface.
Pacing along small paths full of saplings and dying plants - signs of fall.
A rare trip to a nearby bathhouse, only if good behavior was achieved. It was. Forever a performer, always an actor - kept together by threads of steam tying him up.
Lash outs lessoning. Tempered. Discussion about homes, families, and mothers. Father pushed aside - not forced. A rival that still lives. A friend mentioned in between, more than anyone. Foster and group homes - not remembered in full. More connections. More things he's supposed to consider - he doesn't care, but some things help. Removed from a group, one on one, more links - don't lash, just talk. Akechi never settles into that habit - always giving the last word or last action. Walks away instead, sleeps instead, sits on vile words instead, even if they meld to his heart.
Relief in the gentle vibrations of a worn taxi coated in a plush cushion. Maruki spoke for himself for the first time in many months of Akechi speaking for him, about him. A voice so familiar to his psyche that it almost didn't register as real until he met his eyes in rearview mirror.
A joke about a gun. A sigh. More familiar. Comfortable. Jazz playing and warping to the vibration, the bumpy road - Akechi fell asleep, probably, with a single duffel bag held in his lap.
A different feeling than the first time his small hands wrapped around the handles of the only bag his mom ever bought for him, stuffed with a single toy and outfit that didn't match. He was leaving home then and-
Going home now.]
no subject
five
ten
minutes later.]I'll see you at the usual spot.
The same time.
I have a plan for funding it too.
no subject
Doctor,
Please forgive me for the message out of the blue. I found your staff email online and wanted to reach out to express my gratitude for the care that you showed to one of your former patients, Akechi Goro. He probably didn't mention me, and to be honest with you, I'm not sure how to explain our connection. I consider myself something like his guardian, although not in any official capacity - regardless, he's a close friend, and it was on my suggestion that he checked in to the facility you work at.
I spoke with the facility staff many times during his stay and was made aware when you took over his treatment. The first good sign was a sharp and steady decrease in phone calls. Since he's returned home, he's spoken of you occasionally - it sounds like you got to know him well, so you'll probably understand what I mean when I say that it's clear he respects you in spite of the words he uses.
I formerly worked in the same field and know how difficult it is. You have my sincere admiration for the good work that you've done with him, and surely do with your other patients.
He's doing well. From what I've heard, the specialized help you gave him was the only reason he was able to make progress. I can't thank you enough for that.
No need to respond. I hope all is well for you in the future.
Best regards,
Maruki Takuto
Sent three weeks ago, the evening after Akechi made an offhand comment about considering coming to work as his receptionist. Kidding, of course.
No response came. That was fine. Maruki's held onto the list of universities ever since, gently feeling out the edges of that joke for signs that he might be ready to step into the future.
As ever, his intuition with Akechi hasn't steered him wrong. ]
See you there. I can't wait to hear all about it.