[It's a loaded question. An answer written, backspaced and wrote with a volatility he can't shake from being trapped at a facility like that, even if he did agree.
Help isn't something he's accustomed to wanting. Needing. Accepting. That didn't change in 6 months.
And no one would ever truly understand what it meant to work for Shido, to kill him, to assassinate people in the Metaverse and cause their hearts to shatter. Somehow he wasn't suspected or caught by a cabal. A detective prince lost to time and the small attention span of a large city.
But there was a singular person there who wasn't a complete idiot. Took over his care. Explained therapeutic techniques rationally and without acknowledging the venom that spewed when Akechi was irate. Eased into conversations with philosophy, books and food. Managed care outside of those blank four walls. Took him outside, to the kitchen, let him sit at the other side of a bar that was strictly for cook staff, but Akechi was allowed anyway, when that man was with him.
It made it easier. Lessons swallowed and retained, even if Akechi called it all a crock of shit to the doctor's face.]
It wasn't entirely useless.
Towards the middle of my duration there, my care was handed off to a rather intelligent man. He didn't waste my time with foolish shit.
I gained valuable insight from him and he offered useful advice for some scenarios.
You two would have gotten along. He was also fond of memes. It was annoying.
[ Not all of his advice had been ignored, then. Some of it he knows was entirely unhelpful, despite being genuine – Just let him rage! He gets it out of his system eventually! Okay, well, train your staff to be less easily frightened then– hello?
But the parts he hoped would stick apparently did. A careful explanation that no, he never treated Akechi, but they lived together for some time (don't look at any personal history records to corroborate this, don't ask questions) and he learned what gets through to him. Less emotion and sentimentality, more practicality and rational thought. Patience, even at the worst of times. Discussions to take him outside the realm of his own volatile head. Simple, grounding things like quiet routines that feel natural, not mandated by a staff and schedule. He likes to be cooked for. He likes Hegel, and Descartes, and Hobbes. He likes to be able to see the stars.
Not all of those calls were bad, and they did peter off in frequency halfway through. ]
I'm glad you got along with him. And more glad that he tormented you with memes. I hope they were out of date and overused.
They were - all of them. I'm certain you both check the same website. In fact, it was so similar that I was suspicious you two knew each other, so I interrogated him.
[With interesting results. Akechi learned what made him tick, his past, where he went to school, his thoughts on cognitive psience. The latter he knew nothing about and asked Akechi questions with baffling curiosity, answered in the vaguest terms with the barest explanation. He won't do that again. There isn't going to be another Maruki.
There can never be another Maruki and-
Akechi doesn't want there to be anyone but Maruki.
Funny, then, how the conversation had shifted to only Maruki that day.]
I have doublechecked what he told me and it was all the truth. However, I did stumble upon something quite interesting after I connected his alias to an online handle he thinks he was hiding behind. Would you like to know?
Investigating, not stalking. Please learn the difference.
He was side character in that movie you enjoyed the other day - the older one. I can't recall the name. It was the character who said 'Ah, I see. It does look like rain.'
Apparently, his career began with half assed attempts to be an actor that obviously failed. He went to college for it and switched majors halfway through. I corroborated this with public graduation records and past posts on his Facebook account.
He switched to psychology then. However, on occasion he does still opt to be background characters in various television shows. The most recent being Featherman Neo! Frontier to the New World Live Action and Gaki no Tsukai. I managed to find him in two episode of the former, one of the latter.
He didn't even change his outfit. He wore the same thing in those shows that he wore to work everyday. If he ever has to go into hiding, it won't go well for him. It's unfortunate.
It's not my favorite show. Do I look like a child?
And while I'm offended you would call me a liar, I'm in a good mood. I'll let it go and chalk it up as a poor joke for your benefit.
Please refer to the following zip attachment for your proof. The first password is 4XE8fhC5wdyn.
The second one is HW2uTMxFJTA7.
[Inside the attachment? A lot of shit!
Screen captures of the man in movies, on Facebook accounts, notable posts, related friends, lists, partial transcripts, public record information and documents. He is just A Dude. ]
[ Maruki looks through the attachment in detail before responding. Just a regular man, sure– and it's every piece of information about just a regular man's life, assembled right before him.
Akechi is scary sometimes.
He really is his best friend in the world. ]
I stand corrected. That's a crazy coincidence! Well, now we have to keep our eyes peeled for him in other stuff.
[ Maruki has all of his contact information now, several times over. He could thank this man. Well, he could also do it just by writing to him at the facility, but–
He might. He probably will. ]
Have you ever thought about doing private background checks or something of that nature? Not detective work, to be clear. But your skillset is...
Perhaps. The future was brought up semi-frequently. I told him I wasn't interested in talking about it and so, my thoughts on the matter have been minimal.
Afterall, you promised me a discussion on the matter.
[ Considering where that conversation ultimately led, he never figured that was a given. ]
I never told you, but it was my favorite part about working at Shujin. Talking to the third years about their plans for the future. If I ever go back to a job even remotely close to what I was doing before, it would be that. Advising for college or careers rather than counseling, I guess.
Or will it look like proof that no matter what, you can always start over?
For the record, whatever we end up discussing, whatever you decide you want to pursue... there's no rush. You should take your time.
[ He only moved to a place that he knew he could afford alone indefinitely for a reason, after all. Sure, splitting bills and rent would be nice, but it's not necessary right now or any time soon. Even in the best case scenario, he knew Akechi wouldn't return ready to integrate into the sort of regular life he never got the opportunity to experience before. An adjustment period is not only expected, it's necessary.
Maruki did all of this by design. Some habits die hard. ]
Quite frankly, I should be in prison for the rest of my life, if not given the death penalty due to my role in what occurred. A murderer will always be a murderer. Unfortunately, my discussion on the matter with Nijima-san went nowhere on that matter.
Perhaps that should be my next route - a professional cleaner.
[Just kidding typed out. Deleted. He never needs to act again around Maruki. He isn't joking and -
No matter how sardonic or cynical, it won't be acted on. He won't murder again.]
That's why you'll be the ad hoc career counselor and not me, I suppose.
[A delay in messages. A memory of sitting at a bar to watch a man cook again and again and again in a castle plucked out of Destinyland, a comfortable silence filling the air between them and-
A therapist who lets him sit at a bar to watch a man cook again and again and again, in a room of steel appliances, talking about reliance and weakness.]
[ There's something to be said for the fact that Maruki doesn't even flinch reading the words.
It does hurt though, in a way that little else can. The thought of Akechi in a cell for doing what had to be done.
Maruki's morals haven't unbent themselves enough for him to have a sensible reaction to the completely truthful statement of where Akechi should be in a lawful, just society. Maybe Maruki should be elsewhere too for his own role in helping to harbor a criminal.
It doesn't matter. Here they are. ]
Fine. Then you can take your time, and I'd like you to.
We'll figure something out.
For what? But you're welcome, of course. You don't need to thank me.
[It should end there - Akechi leaving this conversation behind with two words that disgustingly cloying when not done as the Detective Prince. It didn't matter when it was fake. He could throw those words around all day - please, thank you, of course.
Now it's sour on his tongue, even though he's not speaking.
He thinks of that man and their talks on a bench in a garden - Descartes, then gentle prodding. Hegel, and strings pulled. Hobbes, and words spoken under flickering garden lights.
It's a simple fact. A debt to be repaid for the rest of his life - a life that looks longer than it ever had before and the thought exhausts him.
Tiring. Maddening. Makes his brain itch in rebellion at a world waiting.]
The term 'throwaway child' exists for a reason.
Once you become one, it's a part of you forever. You can't change it. Society will always see it because no matter what, it will always come up. Job interviews, college applications - they all ask the same questions. Require the same information. It marks you.
I was only in media's favor because of that man, after all. The Detective Prince dies with him. For the record, I'm not upset about it, but it did create a certain dilemma in a future where I was alive.
Where does someone with no family, funds or home end up? I think you can easily assess the natural outcome.
[Delay. It's fact. Orphans and forgotten children operate in a different plane of society and for all talk about community and care -
It truly is a crock of shit.
Maruki-
The only one to stand in the face of that.]
You removed that issue. I have an address for jobs and funds for college applications.
[And-
Something else.]
Even I can express gratitude for something like that.
[ It hardly needs to be stated, but that doesn't mean it isn't nice to hear.
More than nice. Heartwarming in a way he rarely experiences.
If Akechi never voiced his gratitude once, Maruki would still do it. It isn't about debts. Care is not transactional. It wasn't in Somnius, it isn't in Tokyo. It never will be.
He doesn't expect that to ever sink in, really. It goes against everything Akechi has ever known, experienced, been. The most he can do is continue to operate as he has since the day they met in a shitty medieval market, I'm glad you don't have to be alone anymore, Akechi-kun, and the best he can hope for is that Akechi will continue to accept it. ]
You'll have to forgive me for this sentimentality, but you did bring it up first:
We agreed to remember, at all costs. And we did. After everything it took to get to that point, in both realities, I wasn't about to let you be forgotten by a polite society with an underbelly that eats its own.
The confluence of events that led us here will never be repeated in any other reality. I know that for a fact, even without any powers to corroborate it. I wish I could have helped you sooner. To be able to help at all now is an opportunity that I can't ever take for granted.
You're welcome. And thank you in return.
Be grateful this is in a message you can delete rather than being said over dinner while you try not to look like you want to throw up.
[ Perhaps the thank you would have made more sense if he hadn't written, deleted, rewritten, thought over, rewritten again and then ultimately deleted for good an aside that would have put Akechi over the edge. There was already enough sentiment in what he was saying. He didn't need to test his luck by letting Akechi know, in plain words, that he indelibly changed Maruki's life for the better, more than anyone has or will.
It's still something he intends to explain one day. This just wasn't the time. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Do you think it helped at all?
no subject
Help isn't something he's accustomed to wanting. Needing. Accepting. That didn't change in 6 months.
And no one would ever truly understand what it meant to work for Shido, to kill him, to assassinate people in the Metaverse and cause their hearts to shatter. Somehow he wasn't suspected or caught by a cabal. A detective prince lost to time and the small attention span of a large city.
But there was a singular person there who wasn't a complete idiot. Took over his care. Explained therapeutic techniques rationally and without acknowledging the venom that spewed when Akechi was irate. Eased into conversations with philosophy, books and food. Managed care outside of those blank four walls. Took him outside, to the kitchen, let him sit at the other side of a bar that was strictly for cook staff, but Akechi was allowed anyway, when that man was with him.
It made it easier. Lessons swallowed and retained, even if Akechi called it all a crock of shit to the doctor's face.]
It wasn't entirely useless.
Towards the middle of my duration there, my care was handed off to a rather intelligent man. He didn't waste my time with foolish shit.
I gained valuable insight from him and he offered useful advice for some scenarios.
You two would have gotten along. He was also fond of memes. It was annoying.
no subject
[ Not all of his advice had been ignored, then. Some of it he knows was entirely unhelpful, despite being genuine – Just let him rage! He gets it out of his system eventually! Okay, well, train your staff to be less easily frightened then– hello?
But the parts he hoped would stick apparently did. A careful explanation that no, he never treated Akechi, but they lived together for some time (don't look at any personal history records to corroborate this, don't ask questions) and he learned what gets through to him. Less emotion and sentimentality, more practicality and rational thought. Patience, even at the worst of times. Discussions to take him outside the realm of his own volatile head. Simple, grounding things like quiet routines that feel natural, not mandated by a staff and schedule. He likes to be cooked for. He likes Hegel, and Descartes, and Hobbes. He likes to be able to see the stars.
Not all of those calls were bad, and they did peter off in frequency halfway through. ]
I'm glad you got along with him. And more glad that he tormented you with memes. I hope they were out of date and overused.
no subject
[With interesting results. Akechi learned what made him tick, his past, where he went to school, his thoughts on cognitive psience. The latter he knew nothing about and asked Akechi questions with baffling curiosity, answered in the vaguest terms with the barest explanation. He won't do that again. There isn't going to be another Maruki.
There can never be another Maruki and-
Akechi doesn't want there to be anyone but Maruki.
Funny, then, how the conversation had shifted to only Maruki that day.]
I have doublechecked what he told me and it was all the truth. However, I did stumble upon something quite interesting after I connected his alias to an online handle he thinks he was hiding behind. Would you like to know?
no subject
Sure, tell me.
no subject
He was side character in that movie you enjoyed the other day - the older one. I can't recall the name. It was the character who said 'Ah, I see. It does look like rain.'
Apparently, his career began with half assed attempts to be an actor that obviously failed. He went to college for it and switched majors halfway through. I corroborated this with public graduation records and past posts on his Facebook account.
He switched to psychology then. However, on occasion he does still opt to be background characters in various television shows. The most recent being Featherman Neo! Frontier to the New World Live Action and Gaki no Tsukai. I managed to find him in two episode of the former, one of the latter.
He didn't even change his outfit. He wore the same thing in those shows that he wore to work everyday. If he ever has to go into hiding, it won't go well for him. It's unfortunate.
no subject
I'm sorry. The one therapist that you connected with in that place had a bit role on Featherman? Featherman, your favorite show???
What are the odds...
[ Then, after a minute. ]
No, you're making all of this up. Prove it.
no subject
And while I'm offended you would call me a liar, I'm in a good mood. I'll let it go and chalk it up as a poor joke for your benefit.
Please refer to the following zip attachment for your proof. The first password is 4XE8fhC5wdyn.
The second one is HW2uTMxFJTA7.
[Inside the attachment? A lot of shit!
Screen captures of the man in movies, on Facebook accounts, notable posts, related friends, lists, partial transcripts, public record information and documents. He is just A Dude. ]
no subject
Akechi is scary sometimes.
He really is his best friend in the world. ]
I stand corrected. That's a crazy coincidence! Well, now we have to keep our eyes peeled for him in other stuff.
[ Maruki has all of his contact information now, several times over. He could thank this man. Well, he could also do it just by writing to him at the facility, but–
He might. He probably will. ]
Have you ever thought about doing private background checks or something of that nature? Not detective work, to be clear. But your skillset is...
Useful!
no subject
Perhaps. The future was brought up semi-frequently. I told him I wasn't interested in talking about it and so, my thoughts on the matter have been minimal.
Afterall, you promised me a discussion on the matter.
oh fuck you
[ Considering where that conversation ultimately led, he never figured that was a given. ]
I never told you, but it was my favorite part about working at Shujin. Talking to the third years about their plans for the future. If I ever go back to a job even remotely close to what I was doing before, it would be that. Advising for college or careers rather than counseling, I guess.
Any time you feel like talking about it, Akechi.
: )
But even I have to admit it does suit you.
Helping a former murderer find a career path should be good practice for you.
no subject
For the record, whatever we end up discussing, whatever you decide you want to pursue... there's no rush. You should take your time.
[ He only moved to a place that he knew he could afford alone indefinitely for a reason, after all. Sure, splitting bills and rent would be nice, but it's not necessary right now or any time soon. Even in the best case scenario, he knew Akechi wouldn't return ready to integrate into the sort of regular life he never got the opportunity to experience before. An adjustment period is not only expected, it's necessary.
Maruki did all of this by design. Some habits die hard. ]
no subject
Quite frankly, I should be in prison for the rest of my life, if not given the death penalty due to my role in what occurred. A murderer will always be a murderer. Unfortunately, my discussion on the matter with Nijima-san went nowhere on that matter.
Perhaps that should be my next route - a professional cleaner.
[Just kidding typed out. Deleted. He never needs to act again around Maruki. He isn't joking and -
No matter how sardonic or cynical, it won't be acted on. He won't murder again.]
That's why you'll be the ad hoc career counselor and not me, I suppose.
[A delay in messages. A memory of sitting at a bar to watch a man cook again and again and again in a castle plucked out of Destinyland, a comfortable silence filling the air between them and-
A therapist who lets him sit at a bar to watch a man cook again and again and again, in a room of steel appliances, talking about reliance and weakness.]
Thank you.
no subject
It does hurt though, in a way that little else can. The thought of Akechi in a cell for doing what had to be done.
Maruki's morals haven't unbent themselves enough for him to have a sensible reaction to the completely truthful statement of where Akechi should be in a lawful, just society. Maybe Maruki should be elsewhere too for his own role in helping to harbor a criminal.
It doesn't matter. Here they are. ]
Fine. Then you can take your time, and I'd like you to.
We'll figure something out.
For what? But you're welcome, of course. You don't need to thank me.
no subject
Now it's sour on his tongue, even though he's not speaking.
He thinks of that man and their talks on a bench in a garden - Descartes, then gentle prodding. Hegel, and strings pulled. Hobbes, and words spoken under flickering garden lights.
It's a simple fact. A debt to be repaid for the rest of his life - a life that looks longer than it ever had before and the thought exhausts him.
Tiring. Maddening. Makes his brain itch in rebellion at a world waiting.]
The term 'throwaway child' exists for a reason.
Once you become one, it's a part of you forever. You can't change it. Society will always see it because no matter what, it will always come up. Job interviews, college applications - they all ask the same questions. Require the same information. It marks you.
I was only in media's favor because of that man, after all. The Detective Prince dies with him. For the record, I'm not upset about it, but it did create a certain dilemma in a future where I was alive.
Where does someone with no family, funds or home end up? I think you can easily assess the natural outcome.
[Delay. It's fact. Orphans and forgotten children operate in a different plane of society and for all talk about community and care -
It truly is a crock of shit.
Maruki-
The only one to stand in the face of that.]
You removed that issue. I have an address for jobs and funds for college applications.
[And-
Something else.]
Even I can express gratitude for something like that.
no subject
More than nice. Heartwarming in a way he rarely experiences.
If Akechi never voiced his gratitude once, Maruki would still do it. It isn't about debts. Care is not transactional. It wasn't in Somnius, it isn't in Tokyo. It never will be.
He doesn't expect that to ever sink in, really. It goes against everything Akechi has ever known, experienced, been. The most he can do is continue to operate as he has since the day they met in a shitty medieval market, I'm glad you don't have to be alone anymore, Akechi-kun, and the best he can hope for is that Akechi will continue to accept it. ]
You'll have to forgive me for this sentimentality, but you did bring it up first:
We agreed to remember, at all costs. And we did. After everything it took to get to that point, in both realities, I wasn't about to let you be forgotten by a polite society with an underbelly that eats its own.
The confluence of events that led us here will never be repeated in any other reality. I know that for a fact, even without any powers to corroborate it. I wish I could have helped you sooner. To be able to help at all now is an opportunity that I can't ever take for granted.
You're welcome. And thank you in return.
Be grateful this is in a message you can delete rather than being said over dinner while you try not to look like you want to throw up.
no subject
He doesn't delete it. Not yet.
Maybe later, after the said dinner. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe two weeks from now.
Why there's a thank you and I wish I could have helped you sooner like he needed it. He was fine then. It was unnecessary.]
I'll be back in an hour.
Please hang the laundry up to dry when you get home.
heheheEHEHEHEHE DIE <3
It's still something he intends to explain one day. This just wasn't the time. ]
Will do. See you then.