This sensation. This feeling. There isn't a single moment that passes by without his mind being consumed by everything. It doesn't shut off. It never will. He makes sure it doesn't. Even his dreams are consumed by revenge, even moments awake standing around doing nothing are filled with a constant stream of sordid desires filling his mind with blissful static.
And in that moment Akechi has never felt a stronger desire than
What do you want from me?
And the answer was spoken even before Akechi's heart felt the need to ask. To live it said. To live it resounds. To live. And he can't deny it exists in Maruki's soul as the truth. It's in his voice, eyes, the way he grips Akechi's shoulder to get him to listen and -
He listens - I want you to live.
He listens - putting you in danger isn't justice to me.
And for the briefest moment, a flicker in his heart reminds him this is what
love
Felt like. And for a second after, that love coalesces and twists and forms into a brilliant, bright light that struck him down in a grassy yard speckled with dark crimson dots.
And there's a spark that reminds him, in the smallest voice, in the deepest level of his heart with all the barbs, spikes and malicious cruelty holding it down in its undertow
I want my mom back.
He killed his mom. Strangled love from his life before he could comprehend what it would mean to lose it. Understands his role in what happened and accepts it with every step up a rung he takes to kill the reason a life was snuffed out.
Shido will die. Shido will pay. Maruki will die. Maruki will pay. Shido will die. Maruki will live.
Akechi doesn't blink - doesn't shake off the hand. Clings to the sensation of love for as long as he can with his own soul grasping, clutching, wrenching it into his own body drop by drop by drop. Every frayed thread, every glimpse - I want you to live is love. I want you to live is need. I want you to live because someone wants Akechi Goro around.
Akechi remembers
An immobile body hanging from a rafter with 10 splinters around a tightly wound rope.
Remembers how 'I want you to live' felt to someone that would never hear it. Thinking it wasn't real. Knowing it was. Remembering the fear of a world without the only person who ever wanted him. Knew he would do anything to bring her back in the hours that followed. Wondered if he could trade his breath for hers. Didn't know how to make it happen because his fingers couldn't reach the ceiling, even with the same stool knocked out under her feet.
He could trade a life for love - if he kills Maruki now, that look would stay in his eyes forever. That desire would ring across the walls. It wouldn't change and Akechi could have it. Hear it. Remember the echo through the tunnel, against his skull. Greed killed his mother. Greed could kill Maruki. Another body to a pile - Akechi isn't unaccustomed to it. It killed his mom. It could kill Maruki. Akechi could get revenge with the same man and nothing in his life would change. Nothing would matter. It won't go away and-]
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1/2 cw: suicide, suicidal ideation, murderous intent
This sensation. This feeling. There isn't a single moment that passes by without his mind being consumed by everything. It doesn't shut off. It never will. He makes sure it doesn't. Even his dreams are consumed by revenge, even moments awake standing around doing nothing are filled with a constant stream of sordid desires filling his mind with blissful static.
And in that moment Akechi has never felt a stronger desire than
What do you want from me?
And the answer was spoken even before Akechi's heart felt the need to ask. To live it said. To live it resounds. To live. And he can't deny it exists in Maruki's soul as the truth. It's in his voice, eyes, the way he grips Akechi's shoulder to get him to listen and -He listens - I want you to live.
He listens - putting you in danger isn't justice to me.
And for the briefest moment, a flicker in his heart reminds him this is what
love
Felt like. And for a second after, that love coalesces and twists and forms into a brilliant, bright light that struck him down in a grassy yard speckled with dark crimson dots.And there's a spark that reminds him, in the smallest voice, in the deepest level of his heart with all the barbs, spikes and malicious cruelty holding it down in its undertow
I want my mom back.
He killed his mom. Strangled love from his life before he could comprehend what it would mean to lose it. Understands his role in what happened and accepts it with every step up a rung he takes to kill the reason a life was snuffed out.Shido will die. Shido will pay. Maruki will die. Maruki will pay. Shido will die. Maruki will live.
Akechi doesn't blink - doesn't shake off the hand. Clings to the sensation of love for as long as he can with his own soul grasping, clutching, wrenching it into his own body drop by drop by drop. Every frayed thread, every glimpse - I want you to live is love. I want you to live is need. I want you to live because someone wants Akechi Goro around.
Akechi remembers
An immobile body hanging from a rafter with 10 splinters around a tightly wound rope.
He could trade a life for love - if he kills Maruki now, that look would stay in his eyes forever. That desire would ring across the walls. It wouldn't change and Akechi could have it. Hear it. Remember the echo through the tunnel, against his skull. Greed killed his mother. Greed could kill Maruki. Another body to a pile - Akechi isn't unaccustomed to it. It killed his mom. It could kill Maruki. Akechi could get revenge with the same man and nothing in his life would change. Nothing would matter. It won't go away and-]Remembers how 'I want you to live' felt to someone that would never hear it. Thinking it wasn't real. Knowing it was. Remembering the fear of a world without the only person who ever wanted him. Knew he would do anything to bring her back in the hours that followed. Wondered if he could trade his breath for hers. Didn't know how to make it happen because his fingers couldn't reach the ceiling, even with the same stool knocked out under her feet.