I did. A while ago. It was disguised as a pen, and it broke easily. Disintegrated, almost.
I found another shortly thereafter, then nothing. Until today, when I was finishing cleaning up the office after the bloodbath. It was better hidden than the other two. I don't know how long it's been there.
I appreciate the offer, but I don't intend for this issue to continue any longer.
[Eyn Sof is a sacred place to a man who protects secrets spilled and petty complaints given with it. Those four walls are noose - one he willingly wears. It doesn't surprise him the reaction is this serious.]
I see.
What do you intend to do? You aren't the type to dole out judgement based on speculation, unless Azathoth has a power to discern the ownership of items. Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised at this point.
I can guarantee that she won't see it that way. I feel confident that I can predict her justification for this, which is already exhausting.
She's come in several times to try to understand what a person would gain from telling their problems to a stranger rather than a friend or family member. Unsurprisingly, nothing I've explained or tried to demonstrate has had much effect. I wouldn't be surprised if this was simply her taking matters into her own hands to try to understand, by any means necessary.
Not that that excuses it, of course. Understanding her reasoning will not make me more inclined to show mercy. Not about something this important.
[Incredible - a brick wall continues to be a brick wall. There's no consolation prize for the willfully ignorant, even if she's a child. Especially because she's one, coddled and cared for by the masses, in a world that will be unforgiving the second caretakers leave.
He doesn't care - that much is true. Privacy, his own, is all he values. People risk having secrets spilled when they give it to anyone or state it aloud. Only the mind is a haven, and even that can be exploited. Maruki can unload whatever he wants - it's irrelevant. Text on a screen.]
People often forgive children easily due to their youth and judging from what I've seen, her overall punishment will be minimal. A public shaming will likely be her only repercussion.
Though I have to wonder if that will make her a target for others. You do have some volatile clients who may enact vigilante justice all their own.
Some may try to kill over it. Attack. Maim and destroy. It may be someone you don't expect.
It might be you. I wonder - how far does your mercy truly go?
Regardless, I look forward to the outcome. Are you going to continue counseling?
All concerns that I already have. Well, except for the possibility that I might hurt her. I won't.
I'll do my very best to mitigate any possible physical damage. Any public confrontation won't be the first time my patients hear of this. That would be cruel to them and dangerous for her.
But perhaps this will impart a lesson on her about painting targets on others.
[ Probably not!
That last bit gives him significant pause. The answer is yes, of course. He'll work with Vil on maximizing the office's security and he'll reopen once he's positive something like this can't happen again. He won't quit over this. He won't quit at all. Can't.
Still, though... ]
As far as your question is concerned, I don't know.
What would you do? Besides not get yourself into a stupid situation like this.
[Probably not - she didn't seem deterred in the slightest about her baseless accusations put on the network. Unlike her hit list, she at least is afforded the opportunity to defend herself.
It doesn't matter.
Neither does the follow-up question - what would Akechi do? Not-
The last line read. An answer predicted.]
I stand by my original statement - if you're learning something from this ordeal, then it's still a valuable venture.
A betrayal after extending kindness and understanding to another - I think there's no better lesson to be gained.
You could stand to have more experiences of that nature.
Though it's as you said - I would have never gotten myself into a foolish situation like this to begin with, so my answer is as meaningless as the work you do.
[ Maruki has never tried to change Akechi's mind about counseling, nor even asked him to disparage it less around him. He takes every hit on the nose, including this one.
It does feel meaningless, at the moment. He's standing in the middle of Eyn Sof, half-reassembled, staring down at his phone, and what's the fucking point of any of it? ]
I'd prefer to experience less betrayal, but otherwise, I agree. There are lessons to be learned here.
The office will be closed for a long while, so I have time to take them to heart and think of how I'll proceed.
It would be best if it didn't reopen, probably. That paranoia will always remain and eat him alive every second he's in that office.
But it's none of his business if an ant drowns.]
It would be wise to use the opportunity to recoup fully, no matter how long that takes. Those whiners need to learn to be okay without you - whether they manage to do so is up to them.
I wonder, Maruki, how much more you can take. You always seem to push through the worst, however -
The day you snap will be a dangerous one for all. Your persona is too strong to go unchecked. Your ability too powerful to stop before it takes hold. If you don't find a way to maintain a balance with your mind, you could end up in a difficult situation.
It's not only murderers that can harm and damage, after all.
It's a culmination of months of frustration with his work here. All he's ever wanted to do is help people. That's all. It's led him to make terrible mistakes that he regrets entirely and would never alter if given the chance, because they still helped people, in the end. In the future, it might drive him to madness, but it will never be anything but sincere in its intent. Maruki is sure of that.
What drives him?
Selfishness. A desire for some small amount of control over the pains of an unjust world. An unstoppable need to fight back, to never simply lay down and take it. And altruism. And altruism. Genuine, earnest, all-consuming altruism. He's always hated to see people in pain, always wanted to mitigate it where he can, ever since he was a child who should have been too young to be concerned about such things– there hasn't been a single day of his conscious life where he wasn't putting others first.
It's fine if people don't respect that. If they judge him for it, if they make astute observations about how little he values himself in turn or if they're simply paranoid of his intentions and methods for no good goddamn reason. It's fine. It's never stopped him. It won't ever stop him.
I wonder, Maruki, how much more you can take.
Is there an upper limit? Maruki doesn't think so.
People here think him soft, weak. Useless. If he was soft, weak, useless, he wouldn't still be standing, much less fighting. He wouldn't have ever made it to Somnius in the first place. Would have given up years ago. He has already taken on more than his fair share, and he will continue to take it on until the day he shreds this false reality to ribbons to get home.
Until that day, he's here for them. All of them. Even if they don't give a shit about what he does. Even if they breach the one thing he's repeatedly stated is most important to him, even if they renege on promises to not do so again, even if they compromise the safety of every person that has walked through that door.
That will never change. But at the moment, he's so fucking sick of it.
Akechi upholds his end of the deal, as he always does; he doesn't hold back, doesn't falter, doesn't stop. He attacks ruthlessly, relentlessly, doesn't go down easily, matches Maruki's energy every step of the way as they systematically destroy one another in the clearing behind the castle that's become their training ground.
It's been too long. Weeks spent with Akechi in an altered state every goddamn day, a small, warm weight against his chest nearly every night. Maruki wouldn't trade it for the world, but he's missed this: The Akechi that he knows, that knows him, both of them having sunk their teeth into the very rotten core of one another's souls and found that a poison so similar to their own couldn't hurt them. Sneering at him, snarling his vile hatred, taking hit after hit after hit and doling them out in kind, spitting blood and fury to match Maruki's own, even if the sources differ entirely.
Maruki's knees buckle under another attack as he forces himself to stay standing, fists clenched at his sides, teeth grit so hard that they could shatter in his mouth. He isn't tired yet. He isn't done. ]
You're getting too predictable. I hardly even felt that. Try again.
[ Or! Think fast, idiot! Eternal Radiance time as he's talking shit! By the way, it has a high chance of Dizzy, turns out. Good luck. ♥ ]
Vile. Vicious. Brutal. Air charged with a god's unrelenting power and it
pummels.
Wraps tight around throat, body, and soul - a persona that can warp and distort at the helm of everything.
For once, it feels like Maruki's wish is being fulfilled. Every matched parry, slam of body against ground, crack of weapon against flesh, bless against curse.
Call of Chaos buffered again and again - erratic, and free, against newly unleashed and indomitable. Barbed words running loose - Akechi doesn't know what he's saying. It's all caustic, meant to hurt, meant to distract, meant to provoke. Maruki doesn't waver - never does. Tonight is different.
They stop at this point, on a normal evening, before their limbs go numb and minds turn from static to dull fuzz. They don't. Akechi doesn't. Maruki doesn't. No end to it - it's a fight to the death, but not a physical one. Destroy a mind, a soul.
Everything is clear - more than it's ever been. Throat numb from chattering. Words stop flowing as easy. It's serious.
He hates Maruki.
He hates Maruki.
He hates Maruki.
Call of Chaos again - over and over. More times than he's ever done it in a row - it's thrilling, enthralling. Loki blooming and churning as he dodges those grotesque eyes in mass.
One hits - Dizzy afflicts and he feels his world turn upside down with the sudden attack.
More words flow - cruel as ever. Voice hoarse and he continues to strike with Riot Gun. An extensive attack that might hit, despite his waning vision.
He doesn't care - he's never felt more alive and -
As Riot Gun barrages, Akechi puts itself in the midst. Harisen Recovery done as he charges forward, moves closer.
They keep going.
They don't stop. ]
What a goddamn tantrum you're throwing - it's so pathetic. You're so worthless. You're nothing - absolutely nothing!
[The knife he's spent-
Hours. It feels hours trying to slash against flesh and bone - he can't get close enough to rip his face apart. It doesn't stop him trying to do it again and again. Aiming for face, for neck, for chest - aims to kill, aims to hurt.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
no subject
It fascinates me people find you that interesting. You're a dull man to stalk.
Regardless, I can come by and sweep the office if you require it. I'm free for the next few hours.
no subject
I found another shortly thereafter, then nothing. Until today, when I was finishing cleaning up the office after the bloodbath. It was better hidden than the other two. I don't know how long it's been there.
I appreciate the offer, but I don't intend for this issue to continue any longer.
no subject
I see.
What do you intend to do? You aren't the type to dole out judgement based on speculation, unless Azathoth has a power to discern the ownership of items. Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised at this point.
no subject
Oh, I know who it is. I'm almost positive. I have enough circumstantial evidence that it isn't speculation. It was Webby.
no subject
The duck. Of course - why would it be anyone else.
I wonder if she knows such acts of deception could be considered evil. However, I'm more surprised she has an interest in what happens in your office.
The whole thing is baffling.
[This shithole is a nightmare.]
1/2
She's come in several times to try to understand what a person would gain from telling their problems to a stranger rather than a friend or family member. Unsurprisingly, nothing I've explained or tried to demonstrate has had much effect. I wouldn't be surprised if this was simply her taking matters into her own hands to try to understand, by any means necessary.
Not that that excuses it, of course. Understanding her reasoning will not make me more inclined to show mercy. Not about something this important.
no subject
But the breach of privacy is unforgivable. I figured you would understand that part.
no subject
He doesn't care - that much is true. Privacy, his own, is all he values. People risk having secrets spilled when they give it to anyone or state it aloud. Only the mind is a haven, and even that can be exploited. Maruki can unload whatever he wants - it's irrelevant. Text on a screen.]
People often forgive children easily due to their youth and judging from what I've seen, her overall punishment will be minimal. A public shaming will likely be her only repercussion.
Though I have to wonder if that will make her a target for others. You do have some volatile clients who may enact vigilante justice all their own.
Some may try to kill over it. Attack. Maim and destroy. It may be someone you don't expect.
It might be you. I wonder - how far does your mercy truly go?
Regardless, I look forward to the outcome. Are you going to continue counseling?
no subject
I'll do my very best to mitigate any possible physical damage. Any public confrontation won't be the first time my patients hear of this. That would be cruel to them and dangerous for her.
But perhaps this will impart a lesson on her about painting targets on others.
[ Probably not!
That last bit gives him significant pause. The answer is yes, of course. He'll work with Vil on maximizing the office's security and he'll reopen once he's positive something like this can't happen again. He won't quit over this. He won't quit at all. Can't.
Still, though... ]
As far as your question is concerned, I don't know.
What would you do? Besides not get yourself into a stupid situation like this.
no subject
It doesn't matter.
Neither does the follow-up question - what would Akechi do? Not-
The last line read. An answer predicted.]
I stand by my original statement - if you're learning something from this ordeal, then it's still a valuable venture.
A betrayal after extending kindness and understanding to another - I think there's no better lesson to be gained.
You could stand to have more experiences of that nature.
Though it's as you said - I would have never gotten myself into a foolish situation like this to begin with, so my answer is as meaningless as the work you do.
no subject
It does feel meaningless, at the moment. He's standing in the middle of Eyn Sof, half-reassembled, staring down at his phone, and what's the fucking point of any of it? ]
I'd prefer to experience less betrayal, but otherwise, I agree. There are lessons to be learned here.
The office will be closed for a long while, so I have time to take them to heart and think of how I'll proceed.
no subject
It would be best if it didn't reopen, probably. That paranoia will always remain and eat him alive every second he's in that office.
But it's none of his business if an ant drowns.]
It would be wise to use the opportunity to recoup fully, no matter how long that takes. Those whiners need to learn to be okay without you - whether they manage to do so is up to them.
I wonder, Maruki, how much more you can take. You always seem to push through the worst, however -
The day you snap will be a dangerous one for all. Your persona is too strong to go unchecked. Your ability too powerful to stop before it takes hold. If you don't find a way to maintain a balance with your mind, you could end up in a difficult situation.
It's not only murderers that can harm and damage, after all.
1/2
no subject
I can endure a hell of a lot more than this. But the concern is valid, and appreciated. I'll be realistic about what I can take on.
no subject
[There's a solid thirty minute delay and-]
You don't get a warning before you break, Maruki. You don't know what the limit is, until it's long gone and out of grasp.
You don't come back. There are no second chances. It's impossible to mend.
That's my final statement on the matter.
no subject
If neither of us trip and fall into a crack in time, we ought to train tonight. It's been a little while due to recent events.
[ Also, he wants to blow something up. ♥ ]
no subject
I'll see you tonight. Be prepared to give it your all.
no subject
1/3
no subject
OH OKAY.]
no subject
Call of Chaos is happening the second Maruki walks through the door!!!
Good luck king ❤️]
1/2 for thread tracking counting purposes later
> action !!
It's a culmination of months of frustration with his work here. All he's ever wanted to do is help people. That's all. It's led him to make terrible mistakes that he regrets entirely and would never alter if given the chance, because they still helped people, in the end. In the future, it might drive him to madness, but it will never be anything but sincere in its intent. Maruki is sure of that.
What drives him?
Selfishness. A desire for some small amount of control over the pains of an unjust world. An unstoppable need to fight back, to never simply lay down and take it. And altruism. And altruism. Genuine, earnest, all-consuming altruism. He's always hated to see people in pain, always wanted to mitigate it where he can, ever since he was a child who should have been too young to be concerned about such things– there hasn't been a single day of his conscious life where he wasn't putting others first.
It's fine if people don't respect that. If they judge him for it, if they make astute observations about how little he values himself in turn or if they're simply paranoid of his intentions and methods for no good goddamn reason. It's fine. It's never stopped him. It won't ever stop him.
I wonder, Maruki, how much more you can take.
Is there an upper limit? Maruki doesn't think so.
People here think him soft, weak. Useless. If he was soft, weak, useless, he wouldn't still be standing, much less fighting. He wouldn't have ever made it to Somnius in the first place. Would have given up years ago. He has already taken on more than his fair share, and he will continue to take it on until the day he shreds this false reality to ribbons to get home.
Until that day, he's here for them. All of them. Even if they don't give a shit about what he does. Even if they breach the one thing he's repeatedly stated is most important to him, even if they renege on promises to not do so again, even if they compromise the safety of every person that has walked through that door.
That will never change. But at the moment, he's so fucking sick of it.
Akechi upholds his end of the deal, as he always does; he doesn't hold back, doesn't falter, doesn't stop. He attacks ruthlessly, relentlessly, doesn't go down easily, matches Maruki's energy every step of the way as they systematically destroy one another in the clearing behind the castle that's become their training ground.
It's been too long. Weeks spent with Akechi in an altered state every goddamn day, a small, warm weight against his chest nearly every night. Maruki wouldn't trade it for the world, but he's missed this: The Akechi that he knows, that knows him, both of them having sunk their teeth into the very rotten core of one another's souls and found that a poison so similar to their own couldn't hurt them. Sneering at him, snarling his vile hatred, taking hit after hit after hit and doling them out in kind, spitting blood and fury to match Maruki's own, even if the sources differ entirely.
Maruki's knees buckle under another attack as he forces himself to stay standing, fists clenched at his sides, teeth grit so hard that they could shatter in his mouth. He isn't tired yet. He isn't done. ]
You're getting too predictable. I hardly even felt that. Try again.
[ Or! Think fast, idiot! Eternal Radiance time as he's talking shit! By the way, it has a high chance of Dizzy, turns out. Good luck. ♥ ]
no subject
Vile. Vicious. Brutal. Air charged with a god's unrelenting power and it
pummels.
For once, it feels like Maruki's wish is being fulfilled. Every matched parry, slam of body against ground, crack of weapon against flesh, bless against curse.Wraps tight around throat, body, and soul - a persona that can warp and distort at the helm of everything.
Call of Chaos buffered again and again - erratic, and free, against newly unleashed and indomitable. Barbed words running loose - Akechi doesn't know what he's saying. It's all caustic, meant to hurt, meant to distract, meant to provoke. Maruki doesn't waver - never does. Tonight is different.
They stop at this point, on a normal evening, before their limbs go numb and minds turn from static to dull fuzz. They don't. Akechi doesn't. Maruki doesn't. No end to it - it's a fight to the death, but not a physical one. Destroy a mind, a soul.
Everything is clear - more than it's ever been. Throat numb from chattering. Words stop flowing as easy. It's serious.
He hates Maruki.He hates Maruki.
Call of Chaos again - over and over. More times than he's ever done it in a row - it's thrilling, enthralling. Loki blooming and churning as he dodges those grotesque eyes in mass.One hits - Dizzy afflicts and he feels his world turn upside down with the sudden attack.
More words flow - cruel as ever. Voice hoarse and he continues to strike with Riot Gun. An extensive attack that might hit, despite his waning vision.
He doesn't care - he's never felt more alive and -
As Riot Gun barrages, Akechi puts itself in the midst. Harisen Recovery done as he charges forward, moves closer.
They keep going.
They don't stop. ]
What a goddamn tantrum you're throwing - it's so pathetic. You're so worthless. You're nothing - absolutely nothing!
[The knife he's spent-
Hours. It feels hours trying to slash against flesh and bone - he can't get close enough to rip his face apart. It doesn't stop him trying to do it again and again. Aiming for face, for neck, for chest - aims to kill, aims to hurt.]
You'll die back here - I'll make sure of it!
cw injury, blood
cw: violent thoughts, murder, violence, gore, suicide
cw injury, blood, VIOLENCE YAY
cw: violent thoughts, graphic violence, attempted murder, gore, self harm (???)
cw violence i guess
cw: violent thoughts, violence, gore, murder, suicide, suicidal ideation sorta kinda
cw suicidal ideation and a short tag for a thread like this
cw suicidal ideation ???? 1/2
2/2
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
cw: suicidal ideation SORTA