[What a question - Robin Hood and Loki being an integral part of his soul for years, despite his dislike of the current one residing in his spirit. It felt-
Not empty, not quite. The spirit of rebellion still in him, even if the manifestations were inactive and hidden out of reach. They were born from his soul - created from it, not the other way around.
But he missed them - a power gone, a world lost. ]
Robin Hood, of course, is new to me. My perception may be skewed.
It felt odd, like a memory just out of reach. One I could recall in full, but felt like a piece was missing from.
When the crystal allowed me to regain what was rightfully mine and I summoned Robin Hood in my room for the first time-
It's an indescribable sensation, to be frank. I hesitate to say a 'piece' of myself returned. It wasn't quite that way, but that's the closest descriptor I can come up with.
I can only imagine. It must be a comfort, in a way.
Perhaps, if not a piece of yourself returning... a part of the image that was hazy or shrouded, now sharpened and brought into the light.
My apologies, that must have seemed like a bizarre question to ask out of the blue.
Considering how long I've heard the voice, I've felt out of sorts without it since I arrived here, but it wasn't until you put a name to it that the absence made itself more starkly known. So it's been on my mind, that's all. I appreciate you sharing that.
The man really must have a persona, not that any doubts remained. A voice, a contract, and a name shared with that vow. Everything he stated proved as such.
When he puts those words to the sensation, it's closer. Sharpened. Unclouded. Robin Hood's gleaming image an eyesore and a comfort all the same.]
Of course. I'm happy to share what I know, given my experience on the matter. Dealing with it on your own is difficult beyond measure. I would hate to see you go through that.
Although, I have some questions of my own - you say there's a voice. Robin Hood doesn't speak in the manner you're implying. I can always feel it, of course. Sometimes it makes its intent known with internal guidance without words, but at the end of the day, Robin Hood is a part of me.
I control it. The vow was for acceptance, not a partnership.
So let me ask - why doesn't it sound like Azathoth operates the same way? Why do you hear a voice so often? What does it say to you?
[ w h y does his experience continue to sound like an outlier!! ]
I should probably rephrase that... I've made it sound like I heard the voice often. In truth, it was only a few times over many years. But something like that does tend to stick with you, so it feels more significant than it probably is.
It was mostly unintelligible until it fully manifested, right before I came here.
[ He trusts Akechi. But he's also wary of sounding even more abnormal. Half honesty is best. ]
I only understood being told to recognize it within myself.
[ Seek me.
Call me forth. ]
And that we shared an anger with reality.
You can see why I thought I was going crazy, haha...
It felt like acceptance. I can say that much. Outside of that, I really have no idea. We'll both learn a lot soon enough, I suppose.
[A few times too many for Akechi's liking and intimate knowledge of the Metaverse. It's abnormal. Uncommon. No matter how unintelligible it was until it fully manifested in reality.
In reality being the troubling key. Either Maruki couldn't tell he was in another world, or it's true. Both are disturbing.]
The issue with such a small dataset is one I'm sure you're familiar with as a researcher. Your experience may be the more common one - who's to know for sure. To parse out confirmed facts from only a few is impossible.
I don't intend to inundate you with questions when the experience is so new. It's simply difficult to keep my curiosity in check at times like this, after I've found another who's experienced what I have.
If you could indulge one final question -
When you accepted that vow and acknowledged your anger against reality - how did you do that? More specifically, was there a physical manifestation you were compelled to free yourself of? How did it feel?
[Because he has a sneaky suspicion that Maruki didn't have a mask to rip off his face in the real world and what the means - he can't say. Only wants a confirmation one way or the other.]
Oh, come on. I've certainly inundated you with my own questions! I don't mind it at all. Please ask, any time. We can only learn more together that way.
That's an interesting question, though. A physical manifestation...
Ah... We might need to catch up on a few other things for this to make sense, but it isn't something I want to do over text, so please excuse the shoddy answer.
My research was defunded and discontinued rather suddenly. I spent years trying to continue it independently, without any financial or institutional backing. I drove myself into the ground doing that, and I can admit that by the time this occurred, I wasn't thinking rationally. I allowed my anger to motivate me and confronted an old professor who had been involved in stonewalling me.
He continued to dismiss the potential impact of my work, even when it was right in front of him. I've never felt so powerless.
[ Not strictly true. Not never. But only once before, sitting bedside, watching the person he loved lose herself. ]
And so... I believe that intense emotion of betrayal, spite and helplessness is what triggered its manifestation.
[ And the blood red sky, and the pull and tear of reality's seams. ]
How did it feel? I guess I've never considered that.
Powerful, I suppose. To no longer be alone.
But there was no physical manifestation to free myself of, no. Did you experience something like that? I'd love to hear about it, if you don't mind sharing a story of your own.
[A distinct paranoia brims at the mention of a sudden defunding on cognitive research, stonewalled with no finances or support. It reeks.
But he swallows it down. Educational institutions are built on contracts, grants and temporary funding. It could have been anyone, anything. Cognitive Psience is a niche field unaccepted by the general public.
It's the intimate details on Maruki's life, feelings, desolation, rage and helplessness. A man who devotes so much of himself to others and places their every whim above his own to admit to such vile feelings is -
Humanizing. He knows there's something in him because it formed the second he slammed a knife into that beast's neck. Sees it in their interactions and in spewed lies across the network.
More oddities reveal themselves in this text message. If Maruki knew how uncommon this was, he doubts he ever would have written it. It's an opportunity to slowly pick away what he can before the man catches on and walls it off forever.]
Not many could withhold their wrath in such a scenario. No one can blame you for your reaction or your feelings on the matter.
When something beloved to you is ripped away, the thought can consume you. Or so I've seen in my career. It's fortunate all you did was confront him. I've arrested many who went further.
[Then there's a question posed and-
Akechi could lie. Could say he doesn't remember, like he does with so many other scenarios. A part of him almost believes it - the awakening of Robin Hood and Loki such a tiring, painful experience it felt like his soul was ripped from his body. A dreamlike state followed until he managed to fumble home.
Maruki didn't experience that. None of it. That's troubling. Bizarre.
But Maruki is a liar, like him. Someone who holds things close to chest and on the cuff. I don't remember is an excuse used in key moments, not for every conversation he wants to keep private.
And there's something to be said about having an ally - untrustworthy and reliable all the same.]
Powerful is apt description. I felt the same. As you know, I work in the pursuit of justice.
My anger against an unjust world allowed Robin Hood to awaken and a mask appeared on my face, affixed to my flesh. To accept the vow, I had to rip it off.
It was...uncomfortable.
I assume it's because you awoken your persona in reality that this wasn't a requirement on your part.
[ When something beloved to you is ripped away, the thought can consume you.
It is a testament to how he's come to appreciate all facets of Akechi's presence in Somnius that the statement doesn't knock his consciousness a few clicks to the left, leave him dazed and adrift. He thinks of her, of course. Maruki is always thinking of her regardless, but that conjures up specific, visceral memories–
And a lurch of nausea aside as he sets the phone down and presses his forehead against the cool wooden wall of Eyn Sof, they don't throw him.
Maruki isn't naive enough to think he's getting a better handle on himself. He knows the deep grave of repression that he's buried his memories into is, quite frankly, fucked beyond repair. But there is now one person in Somnius who he thinks he might be able to tell without entering into a tailspin he can't pull himself out of, and that's– saying a lot.
He breathes. Returns to hanging a plant from the wooden beams above the office. Then sits on the floor and picks the phone back up to read the rest. ]
Anger against an unjust world, huh... It's interesting to me that although our circumstances and reasonings are undoubtedly different, the emotional core is the same. I couldn't have put the feeling better myself.
[ But more importantly: What??? ]
A physical mask? You truly had to tear it from your own skin?
Dear god. The cognitive world can be a little on the nose with its symbolism, can't it.
No, jokes aside, that's... horrific, actually. My vow feels ridiculously tame in comparison.
And that's true of other awakenings you've heard of? The mask.
[They couldn't be more different and Akechi knows it. The emotional core is the same in text and without intimate knowledge on the truth depth of their respective wraths. Maruki's assumption is wrong, but one he isn't interested in shifting. This is better. Pretend they're similar and allow it bolster this fake relationship.]
I thought the same. When the mask appeared, I remember thinking it was a joke. Subtly isn't the cognitive world's strong suit as I've learned.
The mask is a common requirement, however please remember that I only know of other awakenings in that world. Ones in reality may all follow the description you had - a voice and a vow alone.
It's an important and interesting distinction between the two, though I don't know what to make of it at this time.
I don't know what to make of it either. My hope is that we gain at least a little clarity when we're both able to summon them.
Or you'll just find me even weirder, haha!
Thank you for taking the time to talk me through these things, as always. Even if we don't find answers right away, being able to bounce these concepts around with you helps.
Agreed. I find it refreshing to have someone as intelligent as you to speak with. It opens my mind to new ideas and offers a chance to speak about topics I've had to mull over privately.
You can only get so far alone, after all. Please feel free to rely on me anytime you want a conversation.
I look forward to seeing your persona soon - there's a great disparity in how rebellion manifests and the powers alongside it. We'll find out exactly what you can do. I won't go easy on you.
[Which gives him insight on the greater problem he'll have back in reality. With any luck, Maruki's persona might be weak to curse or physical moves. If-
No. When this persistent idiot stumbles into the Metaverse, it'll be easier to deal with him.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Not empty, not quite. The spirit of rebellion still in him, even if the manifestations were inactive and hidden out of reach. They were born from his soul - created from it, not the other way around.
But he missed them - a power gone, a world lost. ]
Robin Hood, of course, is new to me. My perception may be skewed.
It felt odd, like a memory just out of reach. One I could recall in full, but felt like a piece was missing from.
When the crystal allowed me to regain what was rightfully mine and I summoned Robin Hood in my room for the first time-
It's an indescribable sensation, to be frank. I hesitate to say a 'piece' of myself returned. It wasn't quite that way, but that's the closest descriptor I can come up with.
no subject
Perhaps, if not a piece of yourself returning... a part of the image that was hazy or shrouded, now sharpened and brought into the light.
My apologies, that must have seemed like a bizarre question to ask out of the blue.
Considering how long I've heard the voice, I've felt out of sorts without it since I arrived here, but it wasn't until you put a name to it that the absence made itself more starkly known. So it's been on my mind, that's all. I appreciate you sharing that.
no subject
The man really must have a persona, not that any doubts remained. A voice, a contract, and a name shared with that vow. Everything he stated proved as such.
When he puts those words to the sensation, it's closer. Sharpened. Unclouded. Robin Hood's gleaming image an eyesore and a comfort all the same.]
Of course. I'm happy to share what I know, given my experience on the matter. Dealing with it on your own is difficult beyond measure. I would hate to see you go through that.
Although, I have some questions of my own - you say there's a voice. Robin Hood doesn't speak in the manner you're implying. I can always feel it, of course. Sometimes it makes its intent known with internal guidance without words, but at the end of the day, Robin Hood is a part of me.
I control it. The vow was for acceptance, not a partnership.
So let me ask - why doesn't it sound like Azathoth operates the same way? Why do you hear a voice so often? What does it say to you?
no subject
[ w h y does his experience continue to sound like an outlier!! ]
I should probably rephrase that... I've made it sound like I heard the voice often. In truth, it was only a few times over many years. But something like that does tend to stick with you, so it feels more significant than it probably is.
It was mostly unintelligible until it fully manifested, right before I came here.
[ He trusts Akechi. But he's also wary of sounding even more abnormal. Half honesty is best. ]
I only understood being told to recognize it within myself.
[ Seek me.
Call me forth. ]
And that we shared an anger with reality.
You can see why I thought I was going crazy, haha...
It felt like acceptance. I can say that much. Outside of that, I really have no idea. We'll both learn a lot soon enough, I suppose.
no subject
In reality being the troubling key. Either Maruki couldn't tell he was in another world, or it's true. Both are disturbing.]
The issue with such a small dataset is one I'm sure you're familiar with as a researcher. Your experience may be the more common one - who's to know for sure. To parse out confirmed facts from only a few is impossible.
I don't intend to inundate you with questions when the experience is so new. It's simply difficult to keep my curiosity in check at times like this, after I've found another who's experienced what I have.
If you could indulge one final question -
When you accepted that vow and acknowledged your anger against reality - how did you do that? More specifically, was there a physical manifestation you were compelled to free yourself of? How did it feel?
[Because he has a sneaky suspicion that Maruki didn't have a mask to rip off his face in the real world and what the means - he can't say. Only wants a confirmation one way or the other.]
no subject
That's an interesting question, though. A physical manifestation...
Ah... We might need to catch up on a few other things for this to make sense, but it isn't something I want to do over text, so please excuse the shoddy answer.
My research was defunded and discontinued rather suddenly. I spent years trying to continue it independently, without any financial or institutional backing. I drove myself into the ground doing that, and I can admit that by the time this occurred, I wasn't thinking rationally. I allowed my anger to motivate me and confronted an old professor who had been involved in stonewalling me.
He continued to dismiss the potential impact of my work, even when it was right in front of him. I've never felt so powerless.
[ Not strictly true. Not never. But only once before, sitting bedside, watching the person he loved lose herself. ]
And so... I believe that intense emotion of betrayal, spite and helplessness is what triggered its manifestation.
[ And the blood red sky, and the pull and tear of reality's seams. ]
How did it feel? I guess I've never considered that.
Powerful, I suppose. To no longer be alone.
But there was no physical manifestation to free myself of, no. Did you experience something like that? I'd love to hear about it, if you don't mind sharing a story of your own.
no subject
But he swallows it down. Educational institutions are built on contracts, grants and temporary funding. It could have been anyone, anything. Cognitive Psience is a niche field unaccepted by the general public.
It's the intimate details on Maruki's life, feelings, desolation, rage and helplessness. A man who devotes so much of himself to others and places their every whim above his own to admit to such vile feelings is -
Humanizing. He knows there's something in him because it formed the second he slammed a knife into that beast's neck. Sees it in their interactions and in spewed lies across the network.
More oddities reveal themselves in this text message. If Maruki knew how uncommon this was, he doubts he ever would have written it. It's an opportunity to slowly pick away what he can before the man catches on and walls it off forever.]
Not many could withhold their wrath in such a scenario. No one can blame you for your reaction or your feelings on the matter.
When something beloved to you is ripped away, the thought can consume you. Or so I've seen in my career. It's fortunate all you did was confront him. I've arrested many who went further.
[Then there's a question posed and-
Akechi could lie. Could say he doesn't remember, like he does with so many other scenarios. A part of him almost believes it - the awakening of Robin Hood and Loki such a tiring, painful experience it felt like his soul was ripped from his body. A dreamlike state followed until he managed to fumble home.
Maruki didn't experience that. None of it. That's troubling. Bizarre.
But Maruki is a liar, like him. Someone who holds things close to chest and on the cuff. I don't remember is an excuse used in key moments, not for every conversation he wants to keep private.
And there's something to be said about having an ally - untrustworthy and reliable all the same.]
Powerful is apt description. I felt the same. As you know, I work in the pursuit of justice.
My anger against an unjust world allowed Robin Hood to awaken and a mask appeared on my face, affixed to my flesh. To accept the vow, I had to rip it off.
It was...uncomfortable.
I assume it's because you awoken your persona in reality that this wasn't a requirement on your part.
no subject
It is a testament to how he's come to appreciate all facets of Akechi's presence in Somnius that the statement doesn't knock his consciousness a few clicks to the left, leave him dazed and adrift. He thinks of her, of course. Maruki is always thinking of her regardless, but that conjures up specific, visceral memories–
And a lurch of nausea aside as he sets the phone down and presses his forehead against the cool wooden wall of Eyn Sof, they don't throw him.
Maruki isn't naive enough to think he's getting a better handle on himself. He knows the deep grave of repression that he's buried his memories into is, quite frankly, fucked beyond repair. But there is now one person in Somnius who he thinks he might be able to tell without entering into a tailspin he can't pull himself out of, and that's– saying a lot.
He breathes. Returns to hanging a plant from the wooden beams above the office. Then sits on the floor and picks the phone back up to read the rest. ]
Anger against an unjust world, huh... It's interesting to me that although our circumstances and reasonings are undoubtedly different, the emotional core is the same. I couldn't have put the feeling better myself.
[ But more importantly: What??? ]
A physical mask? You truly had to tear it from your own skin?
Dear god. The cognitive world can be a little on the nose with its symbolism, can't it.
No, jokes aside, that's... horrific, actually. My vow feels ridiculously tame in comparison.
And that's true of other awakenings you've heard of? The mask.
no subject
I thought the same. When the mask appeared, I remember thinking it was a joke. Subtly isn't the cognitive world's strong suit as I've learned.
The mask is a common requirement, however please remember that I only know of other awakenings in that world. Ones in reality may all follow the description you had - a voice and a vow alone.
It's an important and interesting distinction between the two, though I don't know what to make of it at this time.
no subject
Fascinating...
I don't know what to make of it either. My hope is that we gain at least a little clarity when we're both able to summon them.
Or you'll just find me even weirder, haha!
Thank you for taking the time to talk me through these things, as always. Even if we don't find answers right away, being able to bounce these concepts around with you helps.
[ Hm. What a familiar feeling. ]
no subject
You can only get so far alone, after all. Please feel free to rely on me anytime you want a conversation.
I look forward to seeing your persona soon - there's a great disparity in how rebellion manifests and the powers alongside it. We'll find out exactly what you can do. I won't go easy on you.
[Which gives him insight on the greater problem he'll have back in reality. With any luck, Maruki's persona might be weak to curse or physical moves. If-
No. When this persistent idiot stumbles into the Metaverse, it'll be easier to deal with him.]
no subject
no subject
I can't wait to see what makes you so different. Don't let me down.