[ Maruki weathers the words as he fiddles with the coffee maker, his expression going increasingly dumbfounded.
This can't actually be happening.
Why is he still talking?
Maruki waits for him to STOP TALKING, for the only sound in the room to be the percolation of the brewing coffee, before he turns around and leans back against the counter. ]
I'm sorry. Did you just tell me I'm allowed to have sex in the castle?
[ AKECHI GORO YOU ARE SPEAKING TO YOUR MOTHERPARTNER IN CRIME ]
[Oh, this is terrible. Absolutely terrible. Maruki said the quiet part out loud because he has no goddamn tact and truly, Akechi has to continue to carry this moment.]
[All the Metaverse murders, coercion, blackmail, betrayal and cunning plans couldn't prepare him for this shit. This mundane nonsense.
It's unreal.
His face makes several expressions before he's able to steel it - twist and glue it into a semi-permanent, plastered neutrality over two raised and folded hands in front of his face.]
[He's not 10 years old. He can HANDLE a fucking conversation about sex.
Unreal. Horrible. He blames the pain in his back from being slumped uncomfortably on a couch and the grogginess from a shitty night's sleep. That's it. Absolutely.
And after a moment of stunned silence, he utters out a single, definitive-]
[ Akechi has revealed himself to not only be a skilled persona user – someone with experience wielding a creature generated from the collective unconscious and sealed to their very souls – but an efficient and tempered-enthusiastic killer of, at the very least, gigantic monsters.
Maruki is the preeminent living mind in cognitive psience, with complete control over an individual's reality that recently extended to control over the entire world, and a newly-named persona of his own whose combat skills he's dearly looking forward to testing.
And they are staring at each other, completely blank in expression, horrified by their own topic. ]
Ah. I see.
[ He cannot steeple his own hands in front of his face. He can only run his left through his hair, open his mouth to speak. Close it. Gesture vaguely. Take another breath as if to manage to say something. Fail. Sigh. Adjust his glasses. Try again. ]
Thank you for being so considerate. As we are both adults living in a shared space, I shouldn't have to say that the same goes for you. We both have the autonomy to live our lives as we choose, and the courtesy to respect one another by providing ample warning.
[ He pushes off the counter to cross the kitchen, over to the bar where Akechi sits. ]
However.
[ He leans over, grabs the little crossword book two seats down from Akechi, and lightly swats him right on top of the head with it. ]
That's not what happened! That's not what's going to happen! Are you out of your mind!? I never want anyone in my room again!
[This is THE WORST. Maruki points out his own right to do what he wants as if Akechi is the one with women coming through his goddamn window in the dead of night. He's stunned into a brand new world of absolute silence - a part of him grateful for the split second where there are, effectively, zero thoughts in his mind.
It's blissful. Empty. Maruki's movements don't register as his brain struggles to catch up with the horrifying realization that just happened when-
A bap to the head - it kickstarts his body back to life, full steam ahead in a whole new direction.
He reaches up to touch at where the light tap occurred, as if Maruki has done the impossible and Akechi has untouchable up until this moment. A superpower hidden in a paperback book. Anger might swell in a minute. Right now, he's simply stunned.
But not enough to let those comments go by without a response.]
I'm not a child and I don't want details, but there's no need to pretend - quite frankly, it's insulting.
[This is awful. Bad. He can't help to drop his face in back into his hands for a second to recuperate from the shit that's happening.
Not 10. He's 18, going on 19. Only a child in age, not in maturity. Maruki's getting flustered in a pathetic way, but he won't.
He presses his fingertips into his eyes for a second. Awesome. The colors against his eyelid are good. Grounding. Back to the topic.
Both hands settle back on the counter. A deep breath. He's gucci gold.]
Please don't make this more difficult than it has to be.
Oh, I'm– I'm making this more difficult? Is that so?
[ He can't help it. He laughs, the sound jolting out of him suddenly, like the sheer ridiculousness of this situation just caught up with him. Maruki leans one hand on the bar and lets his body bend over it with the force of the laughter. ]
Akechi. Seriously. This is– good god.
[ Oh, he actually hasn't laughed this hard in a while.
This is so, so fucking stupid.
He finally heaves a huge, calming breath and rights himself. He's still unsuccessfully trying to hold back little chuckles as he sets about making the promised toast, pouring the now brewed coffee into–
Where the hell is his usual mug?
Well, whatever. Into two mugs. ]
I'm not pretending anything. Absolutely nothing untoward transpired, or will transpire in that room. I'm not–
[ He pauses as he sets a cup in front of Akechi, closes his eyes, waves his hand. ]
You don't want details. I don't want to give them. But rest assured that is not what I'm after.
[ If anyone is close to unlocking his traumatic backstory, it's Akechi, but it isn't happening here and now. Honestly? This whole situation is so deeply bizarre that it's far from Maruki's mind at all, which is a blessing.
While he waits for the toast to pop up, he sugars and sips his coffee and adds one final thought: ]
Ah, but should we make sure Vash knows he's allowed too?
[ SORRY, AKECHI. NOT SORRY. YOU'RE A LITTLE SHIT AND HE LIKES TO TEASE. ]
[The laughter breaks the awkward topic up - rips it into metaphorical confetti by how miniscule it seems in the wake of man hunched over next to him, consumed by hysterics. A sound that might be contagious if Akechi wasn't contending with the brutal mind numbing sensation that happens when catching up with a horrific conversation.
Because that sure did JUST HAPPEN. That is a talk that occurred. He hates this goddamn world so much.
But now there's coffee in front of him - a smell that, coupled with quick sip, does more to calm his riled up ire than any crossword puzzle.
Okay - it's done. Over. They both have coffee. Night Sky and the dogs are gone and Akechi's back feels better pressed against the chair's until-
Make sure Vash knows breaks the silence and Akechi slowly, ever so slowly, ever so calmly, sets his cup back down to the table.
This fucking asshole.
He flips his phone over, fingering hovering against Vash's UN with clear intent to call him.]
Since you brought it up, feel free to do the honors, Maruki. You are a doctor after all. These conversations should be nothing for you.
[Come on, Mr. Doctor. Go ahead and say Zazie's name too - he dares you.]
Akechi has no clue what Maruki typed out, or to who - he assumes he sent a random text to someone and this is all over. That smile would seem like a warning if he thought Maruki had the backbone to meet his taunt, after the flustered way he reacted earlier.
Whatever.
He flips his phone back around and eyes the toast that pops up.]
[ Maruki knows this is all over as soon as Vash responds in some way, whether in person (highly unlikely) or via text to Akechi (not outside the realm of possibility).
He fully expects to get throttled. He will enjoy the sweet taste of victory while it lasts.
Jam it is, for both of them! Two pieces of toast on one plate that they can share as Maruki comes around to sit next to him. ]
Anyway, you had fun playing with the dogs? They seemed nice.
[He waits for something to happen, another smart ass comment Akechi has to pull out his phone for, but-
Nothing. It's jam, toast and an easy conversation as he pulls a piece of bread off the plate to pick apart. Tiny bite sized pieces created in his hands.]
I didn't dislike it. Though they became a bit rambunctious and got into items they weren't supposed to. As I told Night Sky, I blame my own inexperience. They were nice and quite smart.
[Good dogs. The best dogs, even. He chooses to not look back at the warzone behind him.]
I hope Vash doesn't mind they were on the couch. I've never owned pets, but I've heard dog hair is difficult to remove from fabric.
[He's counting on it, actually. Fuck your shirt Maruki. He hopes you're allergic.]
[ The upside of being so flustered by Akechi's presence in the living room and Night Sky's departure is that Maruki was more or less blind to everything else around him. The state of the room didn't register to him. Hell, the dogs themselves barely did. He says they seemed nice, but his mind was so frantic that he can't even recall what they vaguely looked like. ]
All jokes aside, I really am sorry that you had to deal with that. It must have been a frustrating interruption to your reg–
[ –ularly scheduled statue demolition dies on his tongue as he turns to look sympathetically back at where Akechi had to spend the night.
The jam is so sweet on his tongue with every bite sized piece of toast he slowly pops between his lips. He doesn't need to look back - already knows exactly how that room's set up, but tilts his head to the side all the same, following Maruki's gaze.
Feigned surprise crosses his faces. He takes another bite. Oh nooooo - it sure looks like his shirt.]
Oh, is it?
[A damn shame, those dogs and their shenanigans.]
I'm unsure. I was so tired from watching them I hardly know what they got into - my sincerest apologies if they happened to get your clothing.
The coffee tastes great today. As does his next bite of toast, chewed on slowly while he pretends to survey the area for the first time.]
It seems more damage was done then I initially thought. What an unfortunate mess.
[ The final piece of his torn up toast consumed, he eyes the shoe! So troubled! A detective prince should be deeply concerned about such matters.]
I didn't do anything. Surely you don't think I chewed up the shoe. Dogs are truly unpredictable animals. Though...this may be a lesson in putting up your items as well.
You never know when a surprise visitor will come through your window with pets, after all.
[ He stares at Akechi through his whole monologue, continues it for a long moment afterwards.
Then laughs, defeated. ]
Yeah, I believe I deserved that. Well-played.
[ Make no mistake, he's incredibly irritated about the state of his belongings! He gathers up the shirt, the satchel, the shoe, places them on the table to take back to his room afterwards–
And there it is. ]
My mug!
[ He stoops too quickly as he scoops it up, hisses in pain on the stiff, unsteady way back up. Damn back.
If he had a free hand, he'd swat Akechi again on his way back to the bar, fond and annoyed at once. ]
The dogs even knew which mug I prefer, huh. Smart guys.
['Well-played' is an unexpected response to the Maruki-centric mass destruction splayed around the living room. What a forgiving, bleeding heart.
Then 'My mug' elicits more glee than it should - smug smile hidden by a well timed sip of coffee. He's glad it hurts - screw him. A little pain is good for the spirit or whatever.]
Your 'friend' trained them well - what can I say. They picked it out from the cupboard and I was trying to play the part of an attentive, kind host.
[In his humble opinion, he did great!]
All the cups look similar - I'm not so petty as to pick out yours on purpose. It's an unfortunate accident. You have my deepest apologies.
[He sure doesn't sound sorry.]
god bless this mess we can wrap here or in one more if u want
[ No, he absolutely doesn't sound apologetic, and Maruki clocks it instantly. He snorts a laugh, slides back into his seat, returns to his toast and coffee, and lets the companionable silence fall between them.
It's only broken when he casually, thoughtfully asks: ]
Do you think one of us needs to tell Zazie the new house rule, or are bugs exempt?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
This can't actually be happening.
Why is he still talking?
Maruki waits for him to STOP TALKING, for the only sound in the room to be the percolation of the brewing coffee, before he turns around and leans back against the counter. ]
I'm sorry. Did you just tell me I'm allowed to have sex in the castle?
[ AKECHI GORO YOU ARE SPEAKING TO YOUR
MOTHERPARTNER IN CRIME ]1/???
no subject
no subject
no subject
It's unreal.
His face makes several expressions before he's able to steel it - twist and glue it into a semi-permanent, plastered neutrality over two raised and folded hands in front of his face.]
end.................help
Unreal. Horrible. He blames the pain in his back from being slumped uncomfortably on a couch and the grogginess from a shitty night's sleep. That's it. Absolutely.
And after a moment of stunned silence, he utters out a single, definitive-]
Yes.
no subject
Maruki is the preeminent living mind in cognitive psience, with complete control over an individual's reality that recently extended to control over the entire world, and a newly-named persona of his own whose combat skills he's dearly looking forward to testing.
And they are staring at each other, completely blank in expression, horrified by their own topic. ]
Ah. I see.
[ He cannot steeple his own hands in front of his face. He can only run his left through his hair, open his mouth to speak. Close it. Gesture vaguely. Take another breath as if to manage to say something. Fail. Sigh. Adjust his glasses. Try again. ]
Thank you for being so considerate. As we are both adults living in a shared space, I shouldn't have to say that the same goes for you. We both have the autonomy to live our lives as we choose, and the courtesy to respect one another by providing ample warning.
[ He pushes off the counter to cross the kitchen, over to the bar where Akechi sits. ]
However.
[ He leans over, grabs the little crossword book two seats down from Akechi, and lightly swats him right on top of the head with it. ]
That's not what happened! That's not what's going to happen! Are you out of your mind!? I never want anyone in my room again!
no subject
It's blissful. Empty. Maruki's movements don't register as his brain struggles to catch up with the horrifying realization that just happened when-
A bap to the head - it kickstarts his body back to life, full steam ahead in a whole new direction.
He reaches up to touch at where the light tap occurred, as if Maruki has done the impossible and Akechi has untouchable up until this moment. A superpower hidden in a paperback book. Anger might swell in a minute. Right now, he's simply stunned.
But not enough to let those comments go by without a response.]
I'm not a child and I don't want details, but there's no need to pretend - quite frankly, it's insulting.
[This is awful. Bad. He can't help to drop his face in back into his hands for a second to recuperate from the shit that's happening.
Not 10. He's 18, going on 19. Only a child in age, not in maturity. Maruki's getting flustered in a pathetic way, but he won't.
He presses his fingertips into his eyes for a second. Awesome. The colors against his eyelid are good. Grounding. Back to the topic.
Both hands settle back on the counter. A deep breath. He's gucci gold.]
Please don't make this more difficult than it has to be.
no subject
Maruki baulks at him, eyes wide. ]
Oh, I'm– I'm making this more difficult? Is that so?
[ He can't help it. He laughs, the sound jolting out of him suddenly, like the sheer ridiculousness of this situation just caught up with him. Maruki leans one hand on the bar and lets his body bend over it with the force of the laughter. ]
Akechi. Seriously. This is– good god.
[ Oh, he actually hasn't laughed this hard in a while.
This is so, so fucking stupid.
He finally heaves a huge, calming breath and rights himself. He's still unsuccessfully trying to hold back little chuckles as he sets about making the promised toast, pouring the now brewed coffee into–
Where the hell is his usual mug?
Well, whatever. Into two mugs. ]
I'm not pretending anything. Absolutely nothing untoward transpired, or will transpire in that room. I'm not–
[ He pauses as he sets a cup in front of Akechi, closes his eyes, waves his hand. ]
You don't want details. I don't want to give them. But rest assured that is not what I'm after.
[ If anyone is close to unlocking his traumatic backstory, it's Akechi, but it isn't happening here and now. Honestly? This whole situation is so deeply bizarre that it's far from Maruki's mind at all, which is a blessing.
While he waits for the toast to pop up, he sugars and sips his coffee and adds one final thought: ]
Ah, but should we make sure Vash knows he's allowed too?
[ SORRY, AKECHI. NOT SORRY. YOU'RE A LITTLE SHIT AND HE LIKES TO TEASE. ]
no subject
Because that sure did JUST HAPPEN. That is a talk that occurred. He hates this goddamn world so much.
But now there's coffee in front of him - a smell that, coupled with quick sip, does more to calm his riled up ire than any crossword puzzle.
Okay - it's done. Over. They both have coffee. Night Sky and the dogs are gone and Akechi's back feels better pressed against the chair's until-
Make sure Vash knows breaks the silence and Akechi slowly, ever so slowly, ever so calmly, sets his cup back down to the table.
This fucking asshole.
He flips his phone over, fingering hovering against Vash's UN with clear intent to call him.]
Since you brought it up, feel free to do the honors, Maruki. You are a doctor after all. These conversations should be nothing for you.
[Come on, Mr. Doctor. Go ahead and say Zazie's name too - he dares you.]
no subject
Hears the taunt.
Pulls out his phone.
Types quickly.
Puts it back in his pocket. ]
Consider it taken care of.
[ His brightest, most winningest smile.
The toast pops up. He turns to plate it, grab a knife and the block of butter from the refrigerator. ]
Jam or honey?
no subject
Akechi has no clue what Maruki typed out, or to who - he assumes he sent a random text to someone and this is all over. That smile would seem like a warning if he thought Maruki had the backbone to meet his taunt, after the flustered way he reacted earlier.
Whatever.
He flips his phone back around and eyes the toast that pops up.]
Jam, please.
no subject
He fully expects to get throttled. He will enjoy the sweet taste of victory while it lasts.
Jam it is, for both of them! Two pieces of toast on one plate that they can share as Maruki comes around to sit next to him. ]
Anyway, you had fun playing with the dogs? They seemed nice.
no subject
Nothing. It's jam, toast and an easy conversation as he pulls a piece of bread off the plate to pick apart. Tiny bite sized pieces created in his hands.]
I didn't dislike it. Though they became a bit rambunctious and got into items they weren't supposed to. As I told Night Sky, I blame my own inexperience. They were nice and quite smart.
[Good dogs. The best dogs, even. He chooses to not look back at the warzone behind him.]
I hope Vash doesn't mind they were on the couch. I've never owned pets, but I've heard dog hair is difficult to remove from fabric.
[He's counting on it, actually. Fuck your shirt Maruki. He hopes you're allergic.]
no subject
All jokes aside, I really am sorry that you had to deal with that. It must have been a frustrating interruption to your reg–
[ –ularly scheduled statue demolition dies on his tongue as he turns to look sympathetically back at where Akechi had to spend the night.
A beat.
A squint. ]
Is that my shirt?
no subject
The jam is so sweet on his tongue with every bite sized piece of toast he slowly pops between his lips. He doesn't need to look back - already knows exactly how that room's set up, but tilts his head to the side all the same, following Maruki's gaze.
Feigned surprise crosses his faces. He takes another bite. Oh nooooo - it sure looks like his shirt.]
Oh, is it?
[A damn shame, those dogs and their shenanigans.]
I'm unsure. I was so tired from watching them I hardly know what they got into - my sincerest apologies if they happened to get your clothing.
no subject
That's my satchel. Akechi–
[ He's up off the chair, padding back into the living room.
One of his shoes, half-chewed, sticks out from under the sofa.
Maruki picks it up, stares at it, then back at Akechi, expression wild. ]
You didn't.
no subject
The coffee tastes great today. As does his next bite of toast, chewed on slowly while he pretends to survey the area for the first time.]
It seems more damage was done then I initially thought. What an unfortunate mess.
[ The final piece of his torn up toast consumed, he eyes the shoe! So troubled! A detective prince should be deeply concerned about such matters.]
I didn't do anything. Surely you don't think I chewed up the shoe. Dogs are truly unpredictable animals. Though...this may be a lesson in putting up your items as well.
You never know when a surprise visitor will come through your window with pets, after all.
no subject
Then laughs, defeated. ]
Yeah, I believe I deserved that. Well-played.
[ Make no mistake, he's incredibly irritated about the state of his belongings! He gathers up the shirt, the satchel, the shoe, places them on the table to take back to his room afterwards–
And there it is. ]
My mug!
[ He stoops too quickly as he scoops it up, hisses in pain on the stiff, unsteady way back up. Damn back.
If he had a free hand, he'd swat Akechi again on his way back to the bar, fond and annoyed at once. ]
The dogs even knew which mug I prefer, huh. Smart guys.
no subject
Then 'My mug' elicits more glee than it should - smug smile hidden by a well timed sip of coffee. He's glad it hurts - screw him. A little pain is good for the spirit or whatever.]
Your 'friend' trained them well - what can I say. They picked it out from the cupboard and I was trying to play the part of an attentive, kind host.
[In his humble opinion, he did great!]
All the cups look similar - I'm not so petty as to pick out yours on purpose. It's an unfortunate accident. You have my deepest apologies.
[He sure doesn't sound sorry.]
god bless this mess we can wrap here or in one more if u want
It's only broken when he casually, thoughtfully asks: ]
Do you think one of us needs to tell Zazie the new house rule, or are bugs exempt?
[ Just hit him, Akechi. He thinks he's funny. ]
now we wrap
He stares at the man for a solid minute in dead, complete silence. Looks back to the residual jam on his plate, the cup of coffee and-
Rolls up the crossword to whack him on his injured shoulder - light, but it probably hurts. He hopes it DOES.]
Neither of us studied entomology. Please refrain.